Tiny Dancer
by therevolutionaryprincess
Summary: something terrible has happened to Kendall but he won't talk about it, meanwhile James is struggling to adjust to life outside of LA, the truth to helping all four of them is with 'the gay kid' at their new school, Rated M and Trigger warnings: Self-Harm,Angst,Rape, Homophobia, Alcohol and Substance Abuse. James/oc completed 8/8/13
1. Chapter 1 Blue Jean Baby

**review at the end to give me some ideas on what should happen next.**

**my first btr fanfic please be kind**

Tiny Dancer

Ch.1 Blue Jean Baby,

James

There was always something different about the kid who sat next to me in Algebra II, I sighed looking back out the window of the room the teacher boringly lectured about quadratic formulas while drawing all sorts of formulas and diagrams across the whiteboard. Looking over, again at him Ipod headphones in his ears hidden mostly by the heavy navy blue scarf around his throat, I studied him quietly the cord running down his charcoal grey sweater the black collar of his polo peeking from beneath the scarf revealed by the V neckline of the sweater. He was pretty to me though most of the people in this building would say average but I saw things no one else thought to look for in him. He was tall nearly my height maybe two inches shorter than I, his skin had an ivory tone to it, and was flawless except for a few spots on his face where he had acne scars that were beginning to fade into his skin, from what I could tell by looking it was soft and he kept his face well shaved. His eyes shone like blue grey jewels when he was happy, and when he was sad they got glassy, cold, and unfeeling. He wore glasses black semi-rimless frames the lenses scratched slightly though unnoticeable unless you were up close enough, there was something pleasantly disheveled about his mid neck length dark brown hair that had single strands of gold interwoven randomly. His pale long fingered hands played across the open book in his hands turning the page diligently as his eyes scanned the page. I kept to myself mostly in Algebra perhaps for fear if I opened my mouth I would let it slip that I thought he was perfect. The bell rang, and I sighed wondering one last time to myself, what the air of mystery he seemed to draw around him was all about. I watched as he stood daintily, stretched then closed his book and placed it on top of his binder, picking them both up he exited with a few of the females from the class chatting away excitedly. I sighed closing my Aeropostale messenger bookbag, and smiled meeting up with Kendall and Logan in the hallway as I exited the classroom. We laughed a bit on the way to my locker I pulled on my black pea coat and a white scarf tying it around my tanned throat and closing the locker with a clang. " did you see that fag today?" Kendall asked I didn't respond, taking that as a no Kendall looked over at me " walks around like he's a fucking supermodel, glitter under his eyes" he said laughing and punching me in the arm, I walked forward towards the stairs with Kendall, Logan trailing not far behind, I finally got the courage to speak and turned towards Kendall on the landing of the back stairwell,

" Kendall just stop" I said with pure venom in my voice " why are you sticking up for a faggot?" he responded " why the fuck are you so FUCKING HATEFUL" I said grabbing the front of Kendall's shirt " what the hell does it matter that he's gay, he's still a person and he has the right to express himself anyway he wants so if he likes glitter and eyeliner than so be it he's not hurting you" I released Kendall's shirt and turned quickly walking nonchalantly down the stairwell, Kendall laughed loudly " dude what the hell is wrong with you, you almost hit me" Kendall said grabbing the back of my shirt , I shook him off and rushed out the back door of the school into the icy air nearly slipping on a patch of frozen snow. I smiled a little bit scarf shielding my cheeks from the bite fo the cold as I walked to my car, then I saw him the pretty boy from math class eyeing me from a spot by the corner of the school parking lot fence huddled in a group of three of the most popular girls in school busily chatting over a Cosmopolitan with Nicki Minaj on the cover. There was a gleam in his beautiful blue eyes as he laughed causing me to smile as I opened the door of the Benz. Pushing my keys into the ignition I drove past them and out of the parking lot with a flirtatious wave in his direction though he didn't respond, _damn these tinted windows_ I thought. I glared at the falling snow across my windshield, looking back once more at the beautiful boy. I drove down the street my cell phone vibrating against my hip the whole time, no doubt it was Logan calling to see why I blew up like that. I'd never really been good at managing my feelings things kind of got bottled up, besides I wasn't the most important person in this world. I could endure a little pain to give them less to worry about, they've had enough on their plates for a while Kendall's father came back and I finally realize why no one's seen him for a long time,though it's not really any of my business and I don't know half the details; but we were advised to move out and Gustavo moved the record company to a small studio in downtown Cleveland. I despised the snow which seemed to darken the mood of everyone around me, and though pretty to look at it wasn't pretty to drive through or walk in.

I finally picked up my phone

"hey James, where are you?" Logan asked casually

"I'm driving back to the apartment, you ok?" I replied

" James, I've never seen you blow up like that" Logan said

"I'm just stressed"I said driving around another corner.

" about what?" Logan inquired " you know you can tell me anything right?"

I gulped my hands shaking, could I find the courage to tell him? Logan's been my best friend for as long as I can remember but I can't tell him yet, I just don't think I can.

" James are you there?" Logan's voice said loudly through the cell phone

" yeah sorry I went through a bad area almost lost reception" I lied

" and it's not really anything worth talking about Logie" I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and continued looking forward. " it just bothers me that people are so hateful to someone for being different, why can't Kendall see that the guy's not affecting anyone else" I rambled on about how it's alright for people to express themselves anyway they want.

"James you know Kendall's still a little messed up over what happened" Logan said

I nodded " mhmm yeah I know, but he won't talk to anyone about it " I said

" James no one but Kendall and his parents know what happened and if he's not ready to talk about it we can't force him" Logan said

" I wish I could help him" I sighed

" you can't always be a knight in shining armour James" Logan replied

I passed a park a few blocks from the apartment, and looked out the window as I stopped at the stop sign, there he was once more, blue jeans standing out against the snow as he sat reading his book.

**should he stop over and give him a ride? tell me in a review thank you for reading**


	2. Chapter 2 L A Lady

**AN: This chapter features a point of view switch as it was stated in reviews that readers wished to know more about the mysterious boy, special thanks to _Gleechild_ for their review hope this satisfies your curiosity. Enjoy and thanks for reading.**

Ch.2 L.A. Lady 

Tony

It's funny how four beautiful boys can come into a school and nearly immediately become the hottest people in the building, well except for me. The first time I had set eyes on James Diamond was a third period on a monday who the hell did he think he was? blue shirt tight skinny jeans perfect tan, and when he spoke you could tell he was definately not from here almost the same as me the Jersey boy at heart who never really got into the habit of speaking the local dialect. He sounded like he was from Cali.

_'hey' he said his voice shaking with nervousness, 'can you tell me how to get to room 117?' he asked I giggled observing the figure of the strong masculine man in front of me. ' you're on the wrong floor, go downstairs and to the left you'll find it on the right..I think' I said smiling at him ' thanks' he responded ' I'm James, James Diamond just moved here from L.A.' I giggled again ' I have to go American History in room 225' I said walking towards my classroom stopping to look just once more at this L.A. boy._

So if California girls were unforgettable what did that say about the boys, this hottie was never going to leave my brain. I watched as he walked into the classroom in his tight black skinny jeans, only here a week and he's already breaking dress code, blue, or white collared top, solid colored sweater, no hoodies or jackets, black,blue, or khaki pants,[no jeans] of course people never exactly follow it I tend to get away with stripes and argyle printed sweaters as well as dark jeans often. I smiled observing the tight leather jacket and the silky chic blue shirt with a silver tie he had on. He's been here a week and so far he's never reused a single outfit item not even the shoes or a belt. I silently wondered if his wallet was as bottomless as his dresser drawers, LA to Cleveland well that's a long way to come and quite a change to make in one's life. Questions filled my mind wondering as I stared down at the novel in my hands, I wanted to look at him, soak up his deepest darkest secrets. I wanted to uncover the skeletons behind the Armani in his closet. I smiled covertly over at him but apparently he didn't catch it over his mathbook. He wasn't the brightest diamond in the mine but he was amazing. He didn't ask for help much, mostly he kept to himself. I silently wondered what LA Lady he'd left behind in cali. wondered if they were still together, most long distance couples never kept longer than a week, two or three at the most. I sighed whoever she is she's probably prettier than me. I exited the classroom as the bell rang and left the building. Standing in the corner of the parking lot talking about Nicki Minaj with some of the popular girls in the school, one of the perks of being gay and glamorous, you got to be cool with almost every girl in the building, I looked over and saw James getting into his car I watched continuing to talk to them but tilting my head to the side in awe at how beautiful he was with snow flying into his hair, was that a hint of anger in his green eyes?. They turned and looked as James Diamond was settling himself in his Benz.

"Must be nice to have money" I said

" you think he's hot?" the one girl said I looked over at her and shook my head

" no never, totally not my type" I lied badly

" you do like him, he's not gay though he'd never be" the other girl said

I lowered my eyes back to the magazine " still you have to say the shoes are amazing" I said commenting on Nicki's outfit in the picture eager to change the subject.

"he's probably really homophobic seeing as he hangs out with that Kendall Knight all the time" the other girl said not ready to let this go. I nodded and began to walk away " I'll see you girls tomorrow" I said walking down the street,music blasting in my ears. Then twenty blocks later I found myself at the park, I dusted the snow from my hair and sat down on a bench under a tree shielding me from the snow, I placed my bag down and put my Ipod in. I watched as the car pulled up, silver, Benz...one belonging to a certain James Diamond?.. maybe. He was an odd one, but he couldn't have been homophobic as that girl had suggested earlier this evening, or else why did he unfearingly, unloathingly, approach me and ask me for directions nearly four days ago? Questions swirled in my brain, he was straight though, but I kind of wanted him.

Ever since I can remember I have been able to 'feel' others emotions as though they were my own, sometimes it's just flashes but others it's full on heat, the key to having a gift like mine is being able to distinguish between yours and theirs. I'm pretty good at it now, and when he's around his aura is explosive, like he's been holding so much in throughout his life that he's just waiting to go off like an atomic bomb. I watched as the car pulled away, having only lingered for a few seconds. I picked myself up off the bench and began walking towards home.

Throwing open the door to my meager sleeping quarters, I sighed plopping down on the bed, I turned the TV on and fell asleep, completely and fully clothed in the darkened room. Dreaming of swirling, spinning, beautiful, smiling, James Diamonds floating around inside my head. You had to admit this L.A lady was more than meets the eyes.


	3. Chapter 3 Seamstress For the Band

**AN: Thanks to all the reviewers who have reviewed my story I've tried to keep my updates on a once weekly schedule however I will not rush a chapter if I don't have the muse to write it so you can be assured a good read every time. I wanted to switch things up so this chapter is a very deep and emotional piece from the mind of Ms. Knight. Please Read,Review, and Enjoy. **

Ch.3 Seamstress for The Band

Ms. Knight

Here I am, still kicking,Alive, Breathing; I haven't let things destroy me yet. It's a scary world I'm living in, I never thought the past could come back to bite us, I thought he was gone for good. I never thought he would come back and try to be a part of our lives again, the divorce was enough of a stress on me Kendall was only five, he didn't know what was going on. What a man like his father could do, and what I couldn't do to protect my child, it made me weak. Still here I was the loving mother following them all the way to Los Angeles, on tour, never letting them out of my sight to make sure nothing like it ever happened to my only son again. I thought if I never told him, if we never brought it up he'd forget. He never spoke about it since the divorce maybe then he had forgotten. Still just because something is forgotten doesn't mean it never existed, it doesn't erase what happened. It can never be erased. I sighed rolling over in the bed of the apartment I shared with Katie and Kendall, James, Logan, and Carlos were in the apartment next door. I could hear Katie sleeping quietly in the room across the hall, Kendall's snores however were absent, the whole building was quiet except for the couple downstairs fighting again. I shook my head,and stood up going into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. I sat down on the couch in the living room coffee in hand, looking up at the pictures I had placed on the wall above the TV in trying to make the apartment a home. We had to blend in, pretend we were normal, cover up the scars of yesterday and the things that made us insane. I stood placing the coffee cup down on the table and sat down in front of the TV rearranging the movies in the entertainment center by alphabetical order. Putting things in their proper order was always something that helped to calm me down when things started to go wrong. I must have dozed off on the floor of the living room because I awoke to a splash of light on my face and the sound of the alarm clock in my room. I stood and shoved the rest of the movies back on the shelf before walking to my bedroom to turn the alarm off. There was no sun in the early morning sky, and the usual clouds and falling snow greeted my eyes as I peeked out of the curtains I sighed before walking to Kendall's room and knocking on the door.

" Kendall, Honey wake up and get ready for school" I said walking into the kitchen to make him something to eat. I fired up the old gas stove lighting the burner with a match trying not to singe my fingertips. In a few moments the house was filled with the smell of french toast and sausage. I smiled as Kendall entered the kitchen pretending to rub sleep from his eyes and presenting him with a plate of the just cooked breakfast and some orange juice. I then walked to Katie's bedroom and woke her up. Kendall didn't eat much at all from his plate but I didn't wish to bother him about it. He hasn't eaten well in a while, but he'll be alright I guess as long as he stays hydrated. I placed the dishes in the sink and went into the bathroom to get ready for work. I showered and blow-dried my hair then put on my makeup and went to my room. I selected forth from my dresser a pair of navy pants and a white blouse with a nice beige scarf. I placed on some black two inch heeled boots and threw on my white peacoat. We got into the car and drove to school to drop of Katie first, and then Kendall. I felt terrible on the way to the high school, Kendall didn't say anything, his eyes looked distant and glazed out. He opened the door, and I looked at him as he grabbed his bag to leave " have everything?" I asked, and he nodded. " You know I love you Kendall" I said he nodded again not responding and slammed the door. _Where had I failed as a mother?_ I asked myself driving towards the office where I worked as a secretary downtown...


	4. Chapter 4 Pretty Eyes

**Author's Note: Dear Readers I present you the next chapter of Tiny Dancer I'm sorry it took me so long to put it up, I was severely busy in real life and didn't have much time to write. Here it is I really really hope you enjoy it, please read and review, feedback always appreciated**

CH.4 Pretty Eyes

James

The alarm blaring awoke me from the familiar nightmare that's been haunting me since high school began. I felt my bare chest again, making sure I was indeed unmarked and alright.I rolled out of the bed and pulled on a tee shirt over my boxers before walking into the bathroom. My head was pounding, there were bags under my eyes, _you look like hell James Diamond _ my reflection hissed at me, I smacked the reflective surface with my hand nearly hard enough to crack it but it didn't. Starting the cold shower I plugged the drain and let it fill with water.I slipped out of my clothes and into the tub slowly sinking down until my head was completely submerged. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8 and suddenly I reflexively broke the surface of the water gasping for air. Eight seconds my new record, I sighed and began to wash my hair. I got out of the shower shivering in the chill of the heatless bathroom as I dried my body and blew my hair dry with the hair dryer. I wrapped the towel around me and walked to my room where logan was still sleeping soundly in the bed across the room from mine. I flicked the light on once I had pulled my boxers on.

" Logie time to get up if you want to get in the shower" I said reaching for the concealer and foundation hidden in the back of my sock drawer in the dresser. Logan rolled sleepily from his bed " G'morning James" he yawned getting up and walking out of the bedroom still dizzy with sleep. I pulled on a white Aeropostale polo with some tan skinny jeans and a black studded belt with two leather studded bracelets on my right wrist. I sat down on the bed looking in my mirror and I began to place concealer under my eyes, going over it with a nice coating of foundation I pulled down the neckline of my shirt to dab concealer over the small narrow cuts along the inner part of my clavicle. I set it with a dabbing of face powder and pulled the neckline back up. Logan came back into the room and I looked over at him as he began to get dressed, I stowed my makeup back in it's hiding spot while his back was turned and fixed my hair once more with my lucky comb. Appearances were everything, _cover your weakness with a thick coating of concealer James Diamond_ the mirror me whispered back. I put the mirror down on the bed and stood pulling on my black peacoat and my charcoal D & G scarf I grabbed my Louis Vuitton shoulder bag and walked to the door of the room.

" I'm going to um warm the car up" I said walking out the door and down to the Benz in front of the apartment building.

I scraped the ice from the windows and shoveled the snow from around the car. I sat down in the drivers seat and turned the key in the Ignition. The car warmed up and as the sun began to rise Logan and Carlos piled into the car and I drove to school. I met up with Kendall before third period, something was odd about him, he looked terrible, pale, clammy, I waved him over towards my locker. He walked over bags deep under his eyes.

"K-Dawg? you ok dude?" I asked Carlos prodded him in the shoulder, I looked over the locker into his dialated pupils.

" Kendall you look sick" Carlos said, " James tell him he needs to go home". I looked over at him scoping him up and down " you should call your mom, she'll come get you" I said

" naw man I'm fine" Kendall said, the voice responding emotionless.

I looked at him taking a sniff at the smell emanating from his direction purely smelling of body odor again" I didn't know you had gym second period" I added pulling out the Cuda spray from my locker and spraying Kendall down until for a moment at least I had the smell killed.

" dude, next time remember your deodorant" I said shutting my locker and turning to walk away with Carlos towards Senior Seminar on the first floor. I turned back to kendall.

" Seriously dude call your mom, you look like you have the flu" I said then we walked down the stairs Logan appearing to the other side of Carlos.

" James, Carlos, are you two completely oblivious!" Logan said loudly wiping something from his eye. " Kendall's high as a freaking kite, and whatever he's on... when he crashes it's going to be hell" Logan whispered. I laughed, I don't know what posessed me but I did. " He's fine probably caught the swine flu or something" I said.

The rest of the day it was impossible to concentrate, something's hurting Kendall, and what if I could have prevented it. I sneaked off sometime around eleventh period to the boys bathroom and hands shaking sunk down among the graffiti laden walls in a corner, I pulled open the buttons on my polo and dragged a fork I had snagged at lunch across a spot close to my collar bone, one day I'd have the courage to drag a knife across my pathetic throat. I stood up clumsily and grabbed my Louis Vuitton messenger bag from the floor walking towards math class. It'd all be over soon and I'd be free to pop a few sleeping pills and throw myself into bed. I collapsed into my chair next to the beautiful boy, stared into his pretty eyes as I settled myself in the seat he seemed to be chatting busily to the girl behind him, Kayla. Something about doing his eyebrows and makeup, ordering eyeliner from Avon, another thing about how crazy he thought some girl, the 'hoe' who started with him earlier. Then he noticed me staring,

" hi... James...Are you alright? you look like you've been through hell" he said

I looked at him, " I'm fine." I said " Tired, was up all night working on an essay for Senior Sem. I swear Mrs. McCourt's crazy as hell sometimes." I reached a hand my collarbone brushing a finger over the gash covered with a taped down tissue. I smiled at him he nodded and turned around quietly drawing out a pencil from his small coach shoulderbag. I silently turned to my work and when the bell rang I walked out behind him. We parted a little bit down the hall,and I walked to my locker listening to Logan talk about math. I looked over at Logan

" I don't really um understand this quadratic formula stuff we're doing can you stay to help me?" I asked " we can um sit in the Library or something" I said

Logan nodded " yeah sure thing James" he smiled and I closed my locker and we walked down to the Library. I signed us in and went to go sit by logan in the corner with my math stuff. We sat for a while talking a little bit, girls, movies, the usual and then we got to work...

" and then you just solve for X " Logan finished passing me the sheet of paper.

I smiled " I think I get it" I said putting the pencil to the paper and working out several of the equations.

I stood up, "hey Logan I'm going down the hall to get something to drink from the machine I'll be right back is that ok?" I said

" yeah and here, get me a bottle water too" he said handing me a dollar and some change.

I nodded " sure thing man" and walked out the back door of the library.

As I walked past the Auditorium of the school I heard something.

Music, a voice drifted towards me from the doors closest to the stage, I put my ear to the door.

_Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band_

_Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man_

_Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand_

_And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand_

The sound was beautiful, I smiled.

_But oh how it feels so real_

_Lying here with no one near_

_Only you and you can hear me_

_When I say softly, slowly_

I wondered who was inside, singing, completely acapella.

I cracked the door a bit to peek but I still couldn't see the person making the music.

_Hold me closer, tiny dancer_

_Count the headlights on the highway_

_Lay me down in sheets of linen_

_You had a busy day today_

I slipped open the door as quietly as possible, sneaking through and shutting it softly, I slipped behind the curtain staying close to the shadows on the fringes of the stage. I looked over and Tony stood in the middle of the stage, beautiful even in his school clothes the dim auditorium lights reflecting from the glitter that covered his black cat eyed eyeliner.

_Hold me closer, tiny dancer_

_Count the headlights on the highway_

_Lay me down in sheets of linen_

_You had a busy day today _

I smiled as he hit the note in all the richness of his tenor voice and suddenly impulsively began to applaud. He turned around swiftly, grabbing his bag

" who's there!" he yelled in a frightened manner putting his ipod back in his pocket stepping back towards the stairs to the stage opposite me.

" calm down it's just me" I said stepping forward into the light

" What were you doing back there?" he asked catching his breath

" I heard you in the hall, I just wanted to see who it was, you're really good you know, and I'm sorry I scared you" I said he smiled

" It's alright, and I don't think I'm that good" he said

I smiled " people always doubt their own talents" I said

" um do you want something to drink, I'm buying" I offered

he nodded " that would be nice".


	5. Chapter 5 Pirate Smiles

Ch.5 Pirate Smiles

James

After the walk down to the vending machine, Tony chose a simple bottle of plain water. I sat down with him in the library with Logan who didn't really seem to have a problem with him joining us. We chatted for another good half hour, he was actually pretty smart, and amazingly nice. When it was time to leave I smiled looking towards him putting my books away in my backpack.

" Tony, you um have a way home?" I asked

He smiled back " I was going to take the bus" he replied

I laughed " You'll turn into an icicle out there" I joked making light of the fact he would have to wait for at least an hour at the bus stop.

"come with us I'll give you a ride" I offered

He shook his head, " no, I, really it's no trouble at all" he nodded and followed us out to the car I smiled opening the back door for him,

" thanks James" he said climbing into the door, he straightened his jeans and his sweater as he sat down adjusting himself in the middle of the back seat. He smiled sweetly admiring himself in the rearview mirror for a moment. Logan turned the radio on while I set to work brushing off the snow accumulated on the front of the car.

"James says you can sing" he said looking towards Tony with an awkward smile.

Tony shrugged his shoulders and nodded " a little bit I'm not that good"

Logan laughed, "don't be modest, if James thinks you can sing chances are you can"

" he's such a critic" Logan added. I finished scraping the ice off the windows and returned the ice scraper to the trunk of my car. I smiled at how well Logan and Tony appeared to get along, if they got on well, Carlos would love him too. Kendall would hate him but then again Kendall hated everyone including himself right now.

Tony shook his head " I get nervous as hell on stage"

" even in front of small crowds" He switched the song on his Ipod. Logan smiled and reached his hand towards the Ipod " may I?" he asked. I smiled quietly opening the door to get in as Tony handed his Ipod to Logan who promptly plugged it into the Ipod dock that connected to the radio. He gave it a firm but gentle shake to shuffle the tunes. I watched as Tony fixed his hair in the rearview mirror, and reapplied a light touch of face powder. " relax you look perfect" Logan said smiling as he turned the volume up.

Music was playing from Tony's Ipod through the car speakers, and a song by Adele was just finishing, and as it ended Janis Joplin began to blare from the Ipod. I smiled, " are you going to sing along" I suggested " Logan really wants to hear you" He smiled nervously " I-I don't think I can" I reached my hand back to touch his " I think you can" I said he took a sip from his water bottle and Logan clicked the song back to starting point. He took a breath in and began counting of the intro starting into a deeper Alto-light tenor note as soon as the lyrics began.

_"A woman left lonely will soon grow tired of waiting,_

_She'll do crazy things, yeah, on lonely occasions._

_A simple conversation for the new men now and again_

_Makes a touchy situation when a good face come into your head._

_And when she gets lonely, she's thinking 'bout her man,"_ he built into a richer tone as he went on, you could tell if you heard him that he felt the blues with all his heart and soul.

_"She knows he's taking her for granted, yeah yeah_

_Honey, she doesn't understand, no no no no! "_ tears flowed freely from his eyes smudging his glittery black eyeliner. Feeling better was easy when he sang the blues, and a single tear ran from my eye as we drove through the cold snowy streets.

He built to the peak of the song and then came crashing down in a decrescendo.

_"Well, the fevers of the night, they burn an unloved woman_

_Yeah, those red-hot flames try to push old love aside._

_A woman left lonely, she's the victim of her man, yes she is._

_When he can't keep up his own way, good Lord,_

_She's got to do the best that she can, yeah!_

_A woman left lonely, Lord, that lonely girl,_

_Lord, Lord, Lord!"_ the final notes of Janis Joplin's gritty texas accented voice faded from the speakers and Logan paused the Ipod.

" not that good?" he asked sarcastically " you sounded beautiful"

I nodded in agreement " now tell me where do you live?" I asked and we drove through the falling snow...

**Authors note: I appologize for the length of time it took for me to complete this chapter, enjoy and I promise to update more often**


	6. Chapter 6 You'll Marry The Music Man

Ch.6 You'll Marry The Music Man

Logan

The bad part about rising to popularity as a new person in the school is that you can fall from grace a lot easier because the truth is you didn't grow up with these kids, they could turn on you at any second. Kendall fell in with his own bad boy crowd, I fell in with the nerdy National Honor Society kids, Carlos and James fell in with the Jocks pretty easily but James never forgot about Tony. He tried to make the other guys stop beating on him for being an individual but it didn't really come off too well. I did what I could to make Tony less of a loner, he wasn't a bad guy. Why did they hate him so much? Why did we judge other people without getting to know them? I walk down the hall to Chemistry, it's now early February and love is in the air with Valentine's day just around the corner. Kendall has me pretty worried, he's been out all the time now and when I see him here at at school he looks tweaked, Gustavo's just about ready to fire him for being consistently late to recordings and rehearsals he better get his shit together or he won't be ready in time for the summer tour of Big Time Rush. I stop to talk to my new girlfriend Tracy on the way to Chemistry and she happens to be sitting with Tony on one of the stairs in the back stairwell that leads to a side hallway on the third had Cosmo across his lap and was pointing out a vibrant makeup look.

" I predict the runways this spring will be full of color-blocking trends, in make-up and fashion" he said

she proceeded to ask about color blocking.

" it's beautiful really, you see it's just blocks of bright contrasting colors all coming onto the scene" he said " mixing contrasting colors in outfits and makeup"

He Smiled " Hey Logan" He said

I looked at him "what's up?"

He nodded moving from next to Tracy to come hug me, he loved hugging people, he said hugs made everything feel better.

" nothing much Logan, we hanging out today?" he asked

I shook my head " James has to go shopping" I sighed " he's deemed his current wardrobe needed even more expansion"

he smiled "why don't I come with you guys? I need some new jeans"

I looked over him" it's always been just the guys though, you understand right? we actually talk about guy stuff like girls, not what's hottest in the new Versace collection" I said but then he looked at me and our eyes met. Maybe I went a little to far because then he turned and exited the stairwell swiftly. Tracy looked at me not saying a thing for a second until finally "Logan, that was kinda mean" she said before walking past me " come on let's hurry or we'll be late" she walked in front of me the whole way to class. She didn't speak to me too much in class but she didn't seem mad at me she just seemed a little annoyed.

After School James took us out of town to the nearest mall, the Benz slid a bit as James parked, he seemed distant. He opened the door, listening to me drone on about Tracy, and well how much she reminds me of Camille. He didn't talk about girls that much and he seemed a bit pouty but that was normal, he said it was because he couldn't get a good tan with all this snow. We entered the mall and spent some time walking around Macy's. James glided gracefully around the racks perfectly in his element and comfortable in the store perusing through things that caught his eye, completely in his element. "James, why don't you try this one?" I suggested tossing a navy blue V necklined shirt his way the material was soft and stretchy of a finer quality. He looked at it and shook his head "I have two many already besides it's not really me I'm shopping for, I want to get a friend a present, for Valentines day" he smiled nervously placing the item of clothing back on the rack. He appraised the clothes on the next rack, feeling the fabric of a charcoal grey cashmere jacket with a slightly military inspired look to it. He plucked it gently but swiftly from the rack by the hanger smiling like a kid in a candy store. " this one's perfect" he announced his fingers brushing softly over the fabric.

" feel this Logie" he said extending it out towards me I felt it and smiled "she'll love it I guess it's kind of manly though" I said. "well then we can pair it with something girly, what do girls like Logan" he asked looking at me as if waiting for the answer before looking back around the store and spotting the perfume counter. I smiled " well girl's like perfume, but scent is kind of hard to buy for someone since you can't tell easily what they will like" Immediately we glided towards the perfume counter where we were ambushed by sales associates selling the 'best romantic fragrances' all the sensual Victoria Beckhams and Britney Spears bottles were being immediately pressed into our hands. James smiled charmingly " none of those for me thank you, and I'll only need one of you to help us I'm looking for something for someone special" A tall wiry blond S.A. took James by the arm again pressing upon the 'special' qualities of the celebrity perfumes put out for the season. " I want something that won't be on everyone else though, my date's a very classic,elegant, and bold person" he stated as they passed the various Guerlains tucked into a corner table. His eyes lit up, as he rushed towards the small bottles elegantly arrayed in the display. The Saleslady sprayed one after another on a card until finally she stopped on a little glass bottle shaped elegantly like an urn with a blue stopper and tassel around the neck, the pink liquid inside smiled elegantly back at us, she spritzed the little card and passed it to James. He took a sniff and handed the card to me " do you smell that Logan?" he asked " smell what?" I asked taking a quick whiff,"Magic" was the one word he uttered before looking at the bottle " Shalimar" he read aloud. " can I get one of these?" he asked the woman and she gingerly swept away the sniffing cards and walked to the counter pulling the box out,"and an Acqua Di Gio pour moi, and a Nautica Voyage for Logan here, and thanks so much for all your help" he turned the charm on as he whipped his bank card out of his wallet and swiped it in the machine signing the reciept with a flourish as the purchases were put in a small Macy's bag. We went and paid for the jacket and as we walked out James looked satisfied.

We went over to a small chinese buffet to eat and as we sat at the table with our food I just had to satisfy my curiousity. "so who's the lucky girl?" I asked taking a sip of my mountain dew. James looked around nervously " what do you mean? I was just shopping for a friend". I looked at him"just a friend doesn't warant cashmere jackets and parisian eau de parfum." he laughed nervously but the color drained from his face. " James it's okay I'm not going to tell anyone who is she?" he shook a little more. "promise not to tell?" he asked like a nervous child caught stealing from the cookie jar by an older sibling. I nodded " I promise James" I said as I tucked into my sesame chicken. He took a drink from his pepsi and took a deep breath _" it's not a She it's a He, Logan I think I might be gay"_ he whispered fidgeting nervously as he finished his pepsi in one gulp and I looked at him across the table shocked, " it explains a lot" I said bitterly "I'm losing my best friend to a queer, I was fine being nice when it was just hanging out but now he's turning you James, tempting you" I stood up my plate empty now "what is it with all the boys in this band? Kendall's fucked up in the head and you're a queer" I stormed out "I'll wait in the car" I said stepping out into the bitter chilly air as my hot angry tears froze to my face.


	7. Chapter 7 Ballerina, You Must Have Seen

Ch.7 Ballerina, You Must Have Seen Her Dancing In the Sand

James

When we got home Logan still wasn't speaking to me and I immediately felt terrible, horrible inside if I had gone through so much self hate and hurting because of this. I return to the bathroom locking myself inside and pulling my shirt off, I move to the left side of my collarbone in the cleft and take my razor blade from its' hiding spot in the medicine cabinet, and crying procede to place the blade on my skin I push it gently but firmly until the blood bubbles up from the small wound in little rivulets and runs down the slight slope of the bone gritting my teeth as I do so. I haven't cut much since I've been around Tony and the previous wounds have all healed up. I liked him a lot he made me feel special when he looked at me while we were together he was always great to talk to. At first glance most people think he's just an airhead that likes makeup and designer clothes but he's an intelligent and classy young man which is why I like him so much. I wiped the blood away and leaned against the door, how could Logan have been so cruel? I thought we were best friends I thought I could tell him my secret. I got up and went to the bedroom, Logan glared at me as I grabbed a change of clothes and my pillow and blanket and moved towards the cold living room of the apartment I changed and then went to sleep on the couch in front of the TV.

The next morning as we drove to school Logan still wouldn't talk to me, and the silence bit into us like the frost and ice outside though the car was warm a shiver ran through my body. We got out of the car quietly and I locked it up with the remote on my keys.

We entered the building Logan still icing me out with his cold shoulder, we crowded through the bag scanners and the metal detectors and slowly attempted to move towards our first period classes. I had Forensic Science first period with Kendall, we sat at the same table and before everything changed me and Kendall used to have a great time in Forensics. The drugs have made Kendall a shell of who he used to be and killed and crushed the person he could have been. Kendall's dead inside and he doesn't speak unless he's talking down to someone, he doesn't do his schoolwork and skips classes throughout the day. I miss the old Kendall from before he lost control of his life and went spinning dangerously into a concrete wall. I sat down in my usual seat across the table from Kendall.

I stared into Kendall's glassy lost eyes, I can smell the meth and alcohol on his skin he needs help. I look down at my hands, weren't we supposed to be his friends? wasn't it our job to get him help? I returned to my work and the room was filled with just the sounds of pencils and pens scratching paper. I leaned my head against my arm as I wrote the smell of Shalimar rose to my nose still a blatant reminder of last night and Logan's hate, will I ever be able to come to terms with myself?

I am the first in the class to finish my paper, Kendall isn't worried about it at all he can't wait to get out of this classroom and self medicate in the bathroom. The bell rings and we put our papers in the tray on the teacher's desk while on our way out the door. I smile as Tony passes me in the hallway and as he returns it my heart is put at ease for a moment and all I can think about is how wonderful he is. When I'm with Tony I finally feel beautiful. I walk towards my usual group of friends by their lockers in the center hallway. " nice bag dude, italian leather?" one of them asks I nod silently looking down at my Ralph Lauren Polo shoes slinging the bag a little higher on my shoulder, "rough weekend" I added walking away with a wave. 

The drive home from school was as silent and even more icy than the drive earlier that morning was made even icier by a cold rain falling from the sky causing the snow to turn to a muddy brown slush. We pull in at the apartments and I stop to let Logan out before driving on, I'm meeting Tony for coffee at this beautiful little cafe in the arts district. I smile at the metallic silver wrapped Macy's boxes in the front seat. I pull into the parking lot and walk around to the door of the cafe from the glass windowed storefront I can see Tony waiting at a seat by the counter that faces the window. I entered the cafe, loosening and letting my scarf free, Tony rushed over to hug me. I ordered a large latte, and turned to Tony who then ordered a large Berlin coffee which is described as a mix of chocolate and cherry coffee with whipped cream on top. I paid for both of them, we were served our drinks and walked over to a table in a corner almost out of view from the window. I pulled his chair out for him and he sat down I sat across from him sipping my coffee. I deeply inhaled his sweet perfumed scent, sensual but delicate in a way that made you think of flowers without a direct floral scent. I sighed and opened my shirt three buttons and pulled the left side of my shirt open exposing the mesh of cuts beginning along my collarbone and down towards my pectoral muscle.

"I cut again last night Tony" I said softly wiping a tear from my eyes

"...And I have something to tell you"

He looked at me hurt and pain in his eyes he reached a hand out to touch the marks running his velvet soft fingers over them gently.

"Tony, I think I'm Gay" I said

He nodded, " don't play with me James" he said studying the wounds on my chest his palm now pressed to them gently.

" I'm not playing, Tony last night I came out to Logan, and it went badly so that's why I cut" I shook my head crying softly " we were supposed to be best friends forever" I added.

He looked at me, " it takes time for them to come around sometimes, but they always do in the end" I took my hand and put it over his holding it close to my chest. "I have something for you" I said pulling the boxes out of my bag and placing them on the table. He smiled and opened them pulling the jacket out and nuzzling it into his face inhaling the scent of new jacket. " I love it James" his eyes lit up " thanks" and then the smaller box caught his gaze I had hidden it under the jacket. He opened the box smiling as he opened the box and withdrawing the bottle spritzing it on a napkin and holding it up to his nose to smell the sultry 1920s flapper scent. " Oh James! It's beautiful!" he smiled getting up to hug me tight. " I have something for you too" He put a bag up on the table passing it to me. I pulled open the tissue paper, withdrawing from the bag a deep burgundy scarf made of a rich thick yarn as soon as it was out of the bag I breathed deeply and inhaled his scent. " you sprayed it?" I asked he nodded "just thought it'd add a more personal touch I knit it myself" he added.

I drink more of my coffee, he takes a sip of his it warms us up creating a wall against the chill of rainy winter day. "I need your help" I said reaching my hand out to touch his.

He looks up into my eyes " with what James?" he asks he drinks some of his coffee and smells the perfumed napkin again. " it's Kendall" I said softly

" he's hurting pretty badly right now, and it's my fault, he's addicted to drugs now Tony and he's going downhill fast" I wipe a tear from my eyes he looks back at me.

" It's not your fault, you have no reason to blame yourself" he said

" Tony...it is my fault...because I know what happened" I whisper the last part of that sentence so no one can hear me, it's almost like I'm scared to admit it to myself.

"Well what happened?" he asked I looked over at him and shook my head, " we'll talk about this another time" I stood up and we went out to the car I helped him in and drove him home. " James,you know you did nothing wrong" he said as he stepped out of the car. I looked at him with the door still open " Valentines day is this weekend, dinner Friday at 7 I'll be there to pick you up dress nice" I said and he nodded stepped away closed the door silently walking into his house.


	8. Chapter 8 Tiny Dancer in My Hand

**Authors Note: Please expect regular updates from this story from now on, at least once weekly or bi-weekly. please read and review, I appreciate your readership.  
**

Ch.8 Now She's In Me, Always With Me,Tiny Dancer in My Hand

Kendall

I still don't understand how they could have done this to me, how my mom didn't know, how James never told what had happened. My father was a monster, they were all monsters and feeling like I had nothing left to turn to I fell in with those who could help me find a way to escape from reality, the drugs. My best friends were the needle and the foil, snorting did the job for a few times but then I started smoking the crank instead of inhaling it and when I needed to go low as low as I could get I'd shoot up a few needles full of heroin. Crank was my favorite though it was the only way I could escape from life it helped me forget the memories that haunted my dreams and kept me up so I never had to sleep again. I loved the rush that being high gave me. Logan and Carlos didn't talk to me much anymore unless to pull me into a mock intervention lecture. I didn't care if I died, they didn't understand. If I died it would finally end the pain. So I'm not sure how I can put this into words, but let's just say back in the day when I was younger my mom and dad were together, and I can remember 6 almost perfect Christmas days before the big D word was brought out and thrown on the table. I was five years old when he started hurting me. I sat down on the bathroom floor my back against the tub lighter and foil on the ground in front of me. Paper and pen in my hands. I had to write I couldn't stop until I'd written every last detail. I want him to pay for what he did to me I want her to pay for not being able to protect me.

I cry on the bathroom floor and decide it's time for more, I pour the contents of the bag onto the foil and heat it with the lighter inhaling the smoke with a straw. I instantly feel my rush flow through my body I keep myself locked inside this small bathroom.

_I'm laying in my bed at the hotel it's dark in the room, Dad's on a business trip and he decided to take me with him, he wants me to see parts of the world outside of Minnesota. We're in New York City, Mom's at home. I feel the blankets lift off of me the cold air rushes onto my skin I'm only 7 years old. His rough hands touch me and run through my hair telling me I'm beautiful and that if I'm quiet he's going to take me to see the Yankees game tomorrow night, I'm more into hockey than baseball and he knows it but he wants to see the game too. He touches me...in that place between my legs. He tells me to relax as I panic, I open my mouth to scream but his hand covers it. He holds me down as he does the deed. I'm in pain I can tell I'm bleeding already but not too badly. All I remember is waking up the next morning, in pain and feeling dirty. I haven't had any kind of education on this subject but I know what he did to me was wrong, but it's my fault._

Clean air flooded my lungs as I finished smoking the crystal meth, but the flashback destroyed me cutting deep into my emotional wall, it shattered bricks and I collapsed in its' wake to the floor of the bathroom, passing out as my head hit the hard tile. I felt arms around me when I finally woke up, I was on the couch it was my mom's arms around me and there was another voice, James was there and he'd been crying I could tell it from the sound of his voice. A warm blanket covered over me keeping me safe and defending against the cold air inside the house. James spoke in whispers to my mom. My mom was holding me close to her chest. " Kendall, I know what's going on" she said " We're going to help you" James Said I felt him reach down and run his hand through my hair. I didn't know what to feel at that moment and suddenly I slipped back into unconsciousness.

I woke up in the cold of early morning and made my way into the bathroom, I was in pain it felt like my nasal passage was swollen and raw. My nose was running and I grabbed a tissue to stop the steady flow of mucus, I leaned over the toilet and heaved the contents of my stomach which were mostly acid over into the toilet, I must have bought a bad batch of crystal. I washed my face off and brushed my teeth before getting into a hot shower. I drank a redbull that morning to avoid crashing, I'd need a refill in the next few days I'd have to call my drug hookup guy Tom and see if he could get me something from a different seller. Crashing was the worst thing that could happen to me, but it had to happen sometimes and I'd have to sleep and deal with the nightmares. I put on a white shirt and my blue denim jacket bundling up tight with a scarf before going out the door with my cell phone. I dialed the number and Tom answered the phone on the last ring. "Man, I was fucking sleeping, what the fuck do you want" he yelled into the phone yawning, his voice full of bitterness. " I got a bad batch from Luiz and I'm looking to get a good batch I know your stuff has always been great" I said he laughed on the other end of the phone "can you pay for it?" he asked " It'll be 150 up front and an extra 30 for callin' me this late at night man, I was sleepin' with my woman too" he said so in essence the extra charge would be for interrupting his nookie session. I walked three blocks west in the below zero winter air the rainwater on the ground had frozen into ice and the wind blew brown leaves against the hard ground. I met Tom outside and took the drugs from him while handing him the cash I drained from the band's bank account having a 24 hour convenient store around the corner helps you get 180 dollars at 4 in the morning. I returned home and decided to stash the drugs inside my pillowcase I'd run on redbull for now until it was time to crash then I would pull the crank from its' little baggie and snort just enough to keep me buzzed for the next day.


	9. Chapter 9 Jesus Freaks Out in The Street

Ch.9 Jesus Freaks Out in the Street, Handing Tickets Out for God.

Tony

I smiled softly staring at my reflection in the mirror of the bathroom, my silky medium length brown hair was flipped out at the ends in a throwback to vintage times, and my simple pin-up style eye makeup was beautiful and defining. I turned as my friend Griffin my drag queen, androgynous, amazing fairy-godmother and close friend smiled from over my shoulder, " you look like a Princess honey" he said. I smiled as we paced the living room my eyes fluttered and the butterflies filled my stomach. He smiled "you know from what you've seen of my drag wardrobe that I have all sorts of lovely surprises in the way of clothes darling, so I'm going to loan you something special from my collection." he turned and placed a large purple rectangular box into my arms I opened it slowly and carefully pulling back the silk wrappings to reveal a beautiful light blonde colored mink stole I gasped delightedly as he wrapped it around my shoulders the pale lavender velvet lining laying on top of my red silk button down shirt tied with a thick red ribbon sash around my midsection in a beautiful bow. I threw my arms around Griffin and he embraced me back reaching down to fix the lightly shimmery belt around my tight black jeans. I snuggled into him. My fairy godmother, he always knew how to get this cinderella ready for a ball.

The car finally pulled up and I picked the red faux alligator skin clutch up off the couch it's a little bit heavier than usual, and the contents shift as I walk. I turned and smiled as I hugged Griffin goodbye and thanked him for everything. I stepped out of the house and out to the car waiting, mink stole wrapped around my shoulders. Just as I approached the driver's window was rolled down,

"James wanted me to tell you he's sorry he can't pick you up himself because he's finishing some last minute arrangements but we'll be meeting him at the Restaurant" Mrs. Knight said, She smiled warmly " Mrs. Knight, Kendall's mom, you've met him right?" she made him sound normal like he was captain of the football team or something instead of a constantly doped up moron. But I smiled quietly as I opened the back door and sat down. " you look stunning" She Said before I could answer her questions. I thanked her and introduced myself. We exchanged names and she told me some slightly potentially embarassing stories about James and the four's crazy pranks and wildly funny adventures. We pulled up to a beautiful little cafe downtown not too far from public square or terminal tower. Mrs. Knight smiled and hugged me as I stepped out "if you break his heart, I'll have to kill you" she said. " thanks for the ride be safe going home" I said stepping into the warmth of the small restaurant, it was elegantly decorated in almost a vintage style sort of like I'd just stepped back in time a bit, the carpets were rich burgundy and the chairs were finely upholstered with leather, the woods were a deep cherry and the walls hung with black and white photographs. I looked at the host who wears wearing an elegant black button down with a black silk tie. He looked down at his list, upon seeing me and greeted me warmly. "I'm supposed to be meeting a friend here?" I said nervously, the host nodded "your friend's name?" he asked professionally " Um...James... Diamond...James Diamond" I said. The host smiled half warmly and motioned for me to follow, he reached behind one of the ornately carved bookshelves and swung it forward on it's hinges, to reveal a small iron spiral staircase I stepped up and he followed me in closing it behind us.

I stepped aside to let him through and he led me up to the top which was probably only the second floor. As I ascended the staircase I got a glimpse of the most beautiful room, the colors, woods, and furnishings were similar to the ones downstairs except the most ornate marble fireplace was set in one wall and standing near the fireplace radiant and handsome was James dressed in a tight black Armani sweater with a v-neck matching the neckline of a plain white tee shirt underneath, his grey jeans hugged the muscles of his legs and rear. His shiny light brown hair glinted in the firelight. His eyes caught mine the gold bits in his sparkle.

There was a dining table laid out near the wall opposite the fireplace with a silver ice bucket next to it, the white cloth was laid out neatly with a small red candle in the center, there was a silver charger plate set down and several courses worth of silverware. The wineglasses were polished to a diamondlike flawless shine and there were two along with the water glass. James smiled as he pulled my chair out for me and let me sit down before sitting himself opposite me. The host smiled as he stepped back down the stairs. James stared into my eyes " there's another passageway from the kitchen to the stairway, so no one will know we're up here." he said planting a small kiss on my hand I smiled as the first waiter came up with several bottles of champagne. I smiled thrilled but shook my head " no no, um we can't drink" I stammered, James looked at me " listen I'm paying for dinner, money is no object and I'm friends with the owners we're not getting drunk relax, it's champagne and wine with dinner" he won me over easily, and I looked the bottles over, "which one will you be having?" the waiter asked looking over at James " the Moet et Chandon White Star is just beautiful"the waiter suggested and I nodded in agreement as I turned it over in my hands " this one" I said indicating the White Star. The waiter smiled and elegantly popped the bottle open pouring a generous measure into each of the two beautiful fluted glasses laid out in front of us. James smiled and raised his glass giving barely a whisper to let the waiter know that this would be all I turned with a smile and a 'thank you' and the waiter filed out. He raised his glass

"to individuality" he said with a smile as we clinked the flutes melodically with a small light ringing. A waitress this time smiled and brought out the first course, just appetizers we each got a large plate split into three sections. A few seared bacon wrapped scallops in one third, in the next several small mozzerella balls drizzled in pesto sauce, and in the final third a dollop of caviar atop a ribbon of smoked salmon lightly curled into a rose upon a pita cracker. The food went down silkily with the champagne making for a worthy chaser tasting slightly sweet yet dry at the same time. "James?" I looked at him "are you sure we're not moving too fast?" I asked shaking a little as I placed the champagne glass down with a light clink as it brushed against the edge of the charger plate.

James reached is hand over the table to grab mine as it released the champagne glass, " Tony, you are very important to me, you've helped me with everything so far, and without you I wouldn't be able to have been honest with myself about my sexuality or had the courage to come out, we've bonded in the short two months we've known eachother and there's going to be something else I need to discuss with you later" he said. I nodded " I agree, but it's just so surreal that you'd pick me when you could have anybody you ever wanted" I whispered. James smiled looking at me after the appetizer dishes were cleared and two glasses of ice water with a twist of lemon brought out. " so you haven't really explained your complicated family situation, do you think now would be an okay time?" he asked. I gave an uncomfortable giggle. " well my mother left my biological father when I was still a baby, and she married my step-dad when I was about seven, and they had a few kids" I said skimming over the details. He wasn't convinced " so why don't you live with your mom?" he asked holding my hand in his now. " James, there's so much you don't know about me, so many things I've had to keep hidden that I'm afraid to tell you" my voice broke towards the end of the sentence. The door opened once more and two bowls of soup and two plated house salads were brought in and I turned to thank the waitress and she exits quietly.

"James" I breathed out " I was the victim of a violent hate crime, where I used to live, so I chose to come up here to start over" tears streamed down my face as I picked at the salad silently. He reached over and placed his other hand on top of mine and his rubbing my hand softly with his own. " don't cry" he said quietly " do you want to tell me about it?" he asked after a silent minute. I shook my head but then began to tell the story.

" two guys, from school, beat me pretty badly on the way home from school one rainy evening, they followed me until I was alone and vulnerable then beat me with a metal baseball bat, I spent the spring in the hospital, the police wouldn't help me because the boys told them that I had tried to 'come onto them' I was discriminated, by a town too homophobic to see the wrongdoing that had been done" I'm shaking as I elaborate the details amongst the flashbacks. James' listens adding little things like " that's so wrong" or " how could you do that to someone" he shakes his head as I tell my story and we eat slowly until we've finished the course talking it over, I wipe my tears away with my free hand.

We're about halfway into the main course, a filet mignon medallion on a bed of risotto with a shrimp border when Kendall gets brought up during the conversation. James took my hand again " what if, you knew something traumatic happened to someone you loved, but kept silent about it because you were too afraid that if you ever spoke about it, it would make it more real?" I looked into his eyes, " I'm not sure what I would do, I mean I know I would have to tell someone eventually, that if I kept it bottled up inside I'd explode" I said. He nodded and looked down. "Tony" he said after a few minutes silence " I know why Kendall acts the way he does" he breathed out sharply.

" I was there when it happened at least one of those times" his voice shook, " it happened to me too, me and Kendall have been friends since we were about four".

" this is the reason we're here and not in L.A." He's crying now almost full on sobbing.

" Kendall's father, had a lot of problems, he was an alcoholic, and he beat Kendall's mom, but for years he was their only sense of security, his mom had no money, no place to run to for a while, she'd been living in and out of battered women's shelters when she met Kendall's father, she had Kendall about a year later and they were married." he took another breath and I take the opportunity to take a sip of my chardonnay. " when kendall was about seven his father started well...touching him" I reached a hand over to wipe the tears running down his cheek gently with my fingertips. " I was there one night, we were like eight. Mrs. Knight had gone out with some of her friends, Me and Kendall were sleeping over his house, and his dad was sober probably for the first time in like three months and he was really great with us, we watched a movie, ate popcorn, played together and when it got to be about eleven at night he put me and Kendall to bed in Kendall's room." I went over behind him and put my arms around his shoulders, the mink slipped elegantly off me and onto the chair as I moved.

" and when he came back in a while after, he touched us, and made us do things to eachother for his own twisted sense of whatever, and then he threatened us, told us if we didn't keep quiet he'd kill both of us" James finished his story and nuzzled his head into my soft warm arms and I ran my fingers through his hair lovingly. "Kendall's mom and dad divorced just before he turned nine,and Kendall's dad was still allowed to see him every few months on the condition he attended A.A. meetings and kept sober. and it worked for about a year and then Kendall spoke up about the abuse to a school counselor, and he was arrested and now well he's out of jail now and we moved so he wouldn't try to get in contact with Kendall, the school has false address records and the studio isn't publicly announcing their new location, the media isn't allowed to photograph or report on us while we're here either, and we're not allowed to attend any parties where we might be by any of the people at school." I nodded remembering that in the past two months the school had been stricter on their electronics related rules.

" and you need, my help?" I asked, James nodded, I removed my arms from around his shoulders and went back to sit down, we finished dinner, and it was around ten at night that for dessert the wait staff brought a platter of luxurious pastries, chocolate cookies iced with chocolate darker than the night sky sprinkled with silver and gold leaf stars, and other confectionary delights. We paired the sweets with a pink champagne and when we had enjoyed it enough James stood up and placed some cash on the table. " no need for a bill I've already paid for the meal, do you want to go out for a walk?" He asked smiling as he helped me place the mink stole around my shoulders, he put his own leather jacket on and tied the scarf I had given him around his neck.

We exited into the night air discussing how we could possibly help Kendall, James had his arms around me as we walked under the crystal clear and starry sky. We ended up in the main square of the downtown area after a few minutes, religious people crowded the corner as we walked towards the fountain, carrying signs declaring the end of the world being near. They handed out pamphlets as we walked into their crowd. I smiled softly as I turned to hand back the papers shoved in my face, with a soft laughter.

" you people are insane, all of you the boulevard is not that bad" I said turning to shrug them off, James laughed loudly as we made it past them tossing the one he had been handed into a nearby trash can. " what can I do? to help him?" I asked as we continued walking.

James looked at me " come over, one of these days, when he's there, we'll have an intervention, wear no makeup and stick with me." he said as we continued to walk.

I noticed that there were three young dark skinned men a short distance behind us wearing black hoodies that seemed to be moving suspiciously quickly towards us. They spread out almost an arm length apart on each side and James was quick to push me in front of him. " stay calm, we'll be okay" he whispered into my ear.

"Hey FAGS!" the words echo across the cold darkened city

" aw, you two cocksuckers out for a date?"

We walk a little faster hoping we might be able to get away but James prepares to fight.

"hey Faggots, the party's just getting started!"

Suddenly the leader of the three is behind us, he took a swing at James catching him neatly in the side of the head, James is faster and he turned around aiming a nice kick to the man's chest.

i gasped in shock but I'm knocked to the ground before I can react further by one of the others while the leftover male seems to help his leader, James and the one who appears to be leading the whole thing were battling it out viciously. The one on top of me seemed to be interested in a little something else. His hands felt me up, lingering over my rear, I'm struggling to get him off of me, my clutch landed about six inches away from me in the snow, mink crunches against ice. I landed a punch in my attacker's nose and he let me up just enough for me to open the clutch next to me, and remove from it a small taser, sleek and black the size of a cell phone the blue spark dances on the tip as I shoved it into my attacker's stomach. He jumped away with a jolt and I lunged for him again shoving it deep into his leg. The man fell back his head hitting ice with a thud, out cold.

I lunged at the main guy beating on James and the tip of my taser lands in his neck and does immediate damage. I backhanded him to the ice as well and James had the remaining man in a chokehold, blood streaming down his own face. The final man broke free and ran off. I gather the mink and my clutch. James pulled me into his chest draping the mink around my shoulders though soaked by snow and ice it does not do much good.

I shivered, removing some tissues from the clutch as James sat with his back against a snowbank a block from the attack, trying to catch his breath. " it's going to be okay" I said, reaching up to dab the cut on his cheek and his split lip he protested wincing a bit as I cleaned the wound " I'm fine, don't worry about it, it's just a scratch" but I continue to dab, I picked up a clean chunk of ice, and gave it to him to hold it on the swollen part of his lip. I cleaned him up as best as possible. When we reached the car, James opened the door for me and then got in himself without a word.

We began to drive and I was shivering under the cold and wet mink stole, James placed the mink in the back seat and pulled his leather jacket off and placed it around my shoulder. We drove until we were at my house and as the car stopped, James looked at me. " I've had a good time tonight" I Said as I reached a hand out to touch his on the wheel. "I know you did" he said, I kissed him softly on the cheek as I opened the door. "don't worry about what happened " I said my warm hand brushed over his lightly as I turned to leave. "Hey, Tony" he said, reaching to put his hand on my shoulder lightly. " that was badass what you did back there" he said as he smiled at me I turned "no it wasn't badass, it was instincts" I said as I stepped out of the car, closing the door and walked to the gate and into the house.


	10. Chapter 10 Piano Man He Makes A Stand

**Author's note: I've gotten back into the swing of writing this fanfiction, after the lengthy chapter 9 I decided to give you guys a quick little chapter to keep your interest while I write the next one. Thanks to all my loyal readers and reviewers. **

Ch. 10 Piano Man He Makes A Stand in The Auditorium

James

I awoke the next morning feeling sore, very sore. I lay on my back in bed smiling softly at the ceiling, glowing golden in the sliver of icy sunlight snaking its' way through the curtains. Logan who had a habit of being up and out of the house before I got up, was gone already as usual. I looked over at the alarm clock next to the bed to find that I had slept until 12:30. Mrs. Knight had let herself in earlier and I could smell breakfast cooking in the kitchen. I moved to roll myself out of bed. " Ah Jamie, bad choice" I gasped to myself as a sharp pain shot through my bruised ribs. I winced in pain as I slowly eased myself out of bed and into the kitchen to get some breakfast. Mrs. Knight looked at me stumbling into the kitchen in my boxers and an old worn hockey jersey. "James, are you okay honey, did your boyfriend beat you last night?" she said almost half joking as she helped me into my chair and went straight to the freezer to fetch ice packs and the bathroom for the first aid kit. I shook my head as she returned " No, never! Tony didn't do this to me, I was protecting him" I said.

" we were ambushed by these three thugs, homophobes looking for a fight, wanting to beat the two males they saw holding hands, one of them was wearing obviously girlish clothes. It sparked their hate, so they tried to beat us up." I paused for a breath almost choking up.

"and poor Tony scared out of his mind, pulls a taser from his little clutch purse, and shocks the hell out of them with it, they fell and got knocked out and we hurried to the car" I finished and took a sip of my orange juice while trying not to move my arm as much as possible. She looked at me as she lifted my shirt to tend my battle wounds the ice was cold against the lower ribs on my right side and the bruising was visible as a pale purple and yellow colour to the skin. Mrs. Knight pokes around them slightly and I wince at her touch.

"there's nothing broken as far as I can tell, but keep the ice on it for 30 minutes, then I'll tape you up," she said sweetly handing me the ice pack. I ate hungrily despite my jaw being in extreme pain, Mrs. Knight always made the best pancakes, and when I was done Mrs. Knight ran me a warm bath to lay in for a little while and after my bath she taped and bandaged my ribs, tended my swollen jaw and sent me to bed with an electric heating pad. I slept for a few more hours. The sky was already darkening when I woke up, the sky was a magical cobalt blue. Mrs. Knight came in and sat down on the bed handing me some over the counter pain relievers and a glass of water. "hey James" she said running her fingers through my hair, " how are you feeling?" she asked. I looked up at her "a little better" I said quietly almost to myself, I really just wanted to go back to sleep. " you always were the braver one James, the one who did the right thing, I'm sure he knows how wonderful he is to have you there to protect him" I smiled a small half smile " he can hold his own though, he doesn't need me to save him" I said. "Independence is a good thing James" she said smiling as she places another blanket over me. I saw the sadness and guilt in her eyes as she began to leave the room " Wait, Mrs. Knight." I almost shouted as she turned to leave. "yes?" she said as she turned in the door frame to face me. " it's not your fault" she looked at me quizzically " what do you mean James?". " what happened to Kendall, it's not your fault" I said calmly. She looked at me and for once in all the time I've known her, she looked older and tired a woman aged before her time. She turned to shut the lights off and then quietly closed the door and I drifted back into a deep sleep.


	11. Chapter 11 Looking on She Sings Her Song

Ch.11 Looking on, She sings her song, the words she knows the tune she hums.

I sat up late that night, the sound of snoring coming from the bedroom doors that lay open just a crack. The kitchen table became my watch post for the night and a steaming mug of tea lay between my hands. The kitchen clock ticked softly behind me, and the night wind whipped rain against the windows. Old photographs were scattered across the table, a thin white gold wedding band and a silver engagement ring with a tiny navy colored sapphire incased in the middle both joined the photos in the center of the table. I rubbed my eyes as I pulled the faded pictures from an photo album with worn pages.

This was my night time ritual, before bed I guilted myself with old memories that haven't yet been doomed to the forgotten. I remembered those years like they were yesterday, when I met Kendall's father I had been beaten severely by a boyfriend and I was pregnant, the child would have been Kendall's older brother but circumstances had forced me into a women's shelter and I had no choice to but to have an abortion for fear of the world he would have been plunged into. A shelter is no place to raise a baby, my parents were offering me no assistance. I met Mr. Knight, Ryan Knight he was like a taller and more muscular version of my son, except for the facial features which were most definitely a masculine form of mine. Ryan had been a poor lawyer when I met him, fresh out of law school. The cash he had saved up was enough for two. We went on our first date to a beautiful little italian restaurant, drank large glasses of red wine and ate plates of spaghetti. He seemed like the right kind of guy who always knew what to say and how to make me feel special. He had charm and at the time I looked to him as my way out of the shelter. About a month later he proposed and we were married within the year and living in his apartment. We were in love as far as I could tell at the time and we had Kendall, the biggest blessing in both of our lives.

"Who am I?" I asked myself staring at the pictures of the vulnerable girl, holding a child whose life would never be the same, with the father who hurt him smiling like a maniac. "How could I have ever thought this picture perfect?" I hated myself looking at pictures of that time. Kendall grew up, and as time went on I think I suspected the abuse, I was just too afraid of losing it all and having to go back to the shelter with my children this time. Ryan paid the bills, he gave us security and I gave him unknowingly my son. I suspected things when Kendall would come back from business trips with his father slightly shaken and distant. Then I would find undergarments stained with blood or fluids and wonder what actually happened. I was too afraid to ask. I'm drinking wine now, cheap chardonnay. Red wine reminds me of Ryan, he always insisted on drinking red wine whenever we had gone to dinner. I cried silently in the cold flourescence of the kitchen light. "Why? why hadn't I believed him when he told me?" I asked myself taking a large gulp from the glass. James immediately appeared in front of me on the kitchen floor kneeling, drying my tears with his beautiful hands, no doubt this was a delusion caused by the wine.

_"it's not your fault" Imaginary James whispered into my ear. In this dream I cried out "YES!" I choke on my tears as he strokes my cheek, " It's ALL my fault, I could have saved him from this but I was weak and afraid, that man made me a puppet in his own game and I let him take advantage of my baby because I was weak and afraid" I'm crying harder. "you were always weak, bitch" an imaginary Ryan spat at me his face replacing the face of James in my dream, " poor Kendall, guess he never got over what daddy did" Ryan whined "it is my fault!" I screeched "I was too weak to protect my baby!" _"there's no shame in being weak." a very real James whispered as he reached a hand down to help me from the floor. I blinked and realized I must have fallen asleep "Mrs. Knight, let's get you to bed, I'll clean up out here" James said helping me to my room. " you shouldn't be out of bed yet James, you're injured" I scolded. James laughed quietly, "I'm slightly banged up not dying" he said softly as he helped my slightly tipsy self into bed and covered me with the blankets he hugged me gently. " thanks for being there for me" he whispered as he left the room.

I'll assume he cleaned the table up thoroughly afterwards, in the morning the photographs were on the floor by the side of the bed in their albums, and the wine was corked in the fridge. The rings however were nowhere to be found...


	12. Chapter 12 Oh How it Feels So Real

**Author's Note: I know it's been a little while since my last update, but here's the 12th installment in this storyline. I have however to make an important point,my story portrays situations of suicide, drug addiction, and abuse if you or someone you know is considering suicide or exhibiting self harm behaviours please encourage them to seek immediate help or call a hotline this number is for the U.S. 1-800-273-8255 if they are LGBT they can call the Trevor Project hotline ****which runs 24 hours and is completely confidential at 866.488.7386. Thank you.**

Ch.12 Oh How it Feels so Real, Lying here with no one near

James 

When I got the call from Mrs. Knight asking where I had put the rings that were on the table, I knew that Kendall had taken them. Valuables like Mrs. Knight's rings could be pawned or sold for quick cash by an addict like Kendall. I rolled out of bed more easily this time having had time to heal since friday night, my jaw is getting much closer to its' natural state. Bruises that were deep purple had faded to a yellow color. I dressed quickly in the mid-morning light and got into the car and began to drive. I sent a text to Tony at a red light telling him to get dressed and be waiting outside. I had packed a few things in the trunk and I really needed to see him. As I approached the house he was waiting outside in the front already dressed, a charcoal grey peacoat rescuing him from the icy wind. A thick chilly fog rolled through the city, and the rain of last evening had been turned to frozen puddles. He got into the car and settled himself into the front seat, I placed an arm around him as he leaned to put his head on my shoulder.

"where are we going?" he asked after a few silent moments. I looked into his eyes for a moment " it's a surprise" I said

The car hummed softly as we drove for about fifteen minutes coming to a stop along the parking lot of a park that bordered on lake Erie. I got out of the car and stepped around the front to open his door for him and reach a hand out to help him out, like the sophisticated lady he deserved to be treated as. His long pale fingertips unshielded by his fingerless gloves felt soft against the palm of my hand. I closed the door after he had gotten out. Then we looked out over the lake, still frozen almost to the horizon with about four feet deep of thick cold snow covered ice which groaned in the wind. We walked towards the ice, with me unloading the box from the trunk and carrying it under one arm. I walked us right out onto the ice, Tony looked apprehensive.

" We can't go on the ice, it'll break James" he said stepping back onto dry cold sand

My hand closed gently around his elbow as I pulled him back onto the ice "it's safe I swear, we used to do this all the time back in Minnesota the ice is at least four feet thick and the chances of it breaking are very slim" I pulled him close as I went down on one knee to open the moderately sized box from the car, I withdrew from it two pairs of ice skates, used for hockey. " these have been begging for me to use them, I haven't played hockey in ages" I handed him a pair " these are my older ones but they still work fine I just had them fixed up" I put mine on effortlessly my hands did the laces mechanically as if I could skate in my sleep. I smiled as I knelt back down to help Tony tighten his. " are you ready?" I asked holding his arm as I helped him to his feet. He smiled, " James I can't skate, to save my life" he said blushing a pale pink as I took his hand. " I'm horribly un-coordinated I'll fall on my ass" he explained but I just smiled and we took off across the ice. I gave him a quick lesson in skating and stopping and turning and then slowly but surely he drifted off my arm, skating on his own a few feet without falling and then swiftly picking up speed and circling around me.

"I'm doing it James! I'm skating!" he yelled towards me as he grabbed my hands and we spun for a quick moment and then fell down together, him landing on top of me. I ran my fingertips through his hair. We skated for another hour and then we walked out onto the concrete fishing pier and sat down on one of the cement benches towards the beginning of the pier. We were looking out over the water, the fog had thickened completely obscuring even the tip of the pier from our view as I poured us both a styrofoam cup of hot chocolate from a thermos. We heard something from the other end of the pier, something like a clanging against the metal railing as if it was being climbed. Tony jumped as if the sound had startled him nearly spilling hot chocolate all over his scarf.

"James can you hear that?" he asked placing his hot chocolate down on the bench between us. Another sound followed the first one, a loud voice which sounded like it was counting backwards from ten. He stood as if to walk towards it, I looked at him and stepped in front of him, " I think someone's out there" he said as I looked into his eyes worriedly " on the tip of the pier, listen I'm going to go look you stay here" I said I stepped forward moving towards the end of the pier and as I got closer I could hear the wind whipping through fabric and then suddenly the ending of the pier came into view, the wind shook it slightly as the metal anchoring of the pier bobbed as the ice moved around it. First white socks and then a pair of legs encased in pale bleached out denim, a loose white V neck tee shirt was blowing tight around the young man in front of me and looking up at the blonde hair peeking out from beneath the beanie I instantly recognized him. Kendall had begun to count down again from ten white socks now resting on the second rail as he slowly began to climb over it. I think there was still a thin layer of fog between us because he didn't seem to notice my presence or look behind him. I stepped forward softly as possible because I didn't want to startle him.

"Kendall, it's me James" I said quietly keeping back a little bit because I didn't want him to feel cornered, his bare hands carressed the top bar of the iron railing as his feet met the six inches of concrete beyond the rail, he lowered himself forward.

" You can't stop me James!" Kendall shouted back at me "it's over! I'm going to Jump!"

"Kendall please don't do this" I said stepping forward another step putting a hand out in front of me. "Kendall please"


	13. Chapter 13 Hold me Closer Tiny Dancer

Ch. 13 Hold me closer Tiny Dancer, Count the headlights on the highway

Tony

I hadn't listened to James, the feeling in my stomach was as if something horrible was about to happen. I had followed him through the fog hanging back a bit to the side, once I had thought he glanced over towards me and I got down behind one of the concrete benches and crawled the rest of the way. I hung back a little bit more as James came into view and looking up I saw Kendall hanging onto the rail as if he was planning to jump and James pleading with him to come back. I watched as Kendall hung there like a modern Jesus, crucifying himself on the rail in front of me for his own sins. He didn't shiver in the cold and wind, his arms, neck and face had sores like mosquito bites that had been picked to bleeding point, Kendall was breaking down.

" DON'T come ANY CLOSER!" Kendall screamed at James as he had moved to step towards Kendall, and Kendall removed a hand from the railing.

" Kendall, come back over the rail, we can help you" James pleaded with him.

I watched silenced with shock at the events taking place before me as James tried to move closer while Kendall's back was turned, the ice had broken around the anchorings of the pier and large chunks of ice sloshed around dangerously on chilly dark water.

I decided to take a chance, and I stood up and walked over behind James placing a hand on his arm, he nodded at me as if giving me permission to go on with what I had planned. "Kendall, it's freezing out here" I said " and so many things could go wrong, you could hit the ice down there and shatter every bone in your body, or you could hit the water" I took a sharp breath " the water is freezing, and there's no telling how long it'll actually take to kill you, Kendall can you handle that?" James looked at me as Kendall looked back at us with glassy green eyes. James took a moment and began to move another step towards Kendall who was beginning to slip. Kendall glanced back, "James Stop! right there! if you come any closer I'm going to jump!" there was panic in his voice. I stepped forward my hand on James' arm and Kendall looked at me and I felt the pain in my heart that I saw reflected in those drug infused emerald clouds, and tears began to fall silently from eyes and roll down my cheeks smearing the thin line of black eyeliner I'd applied this morning and making tracks in my foundation. " Fag! I mean Tony right?" I nodded jumping back a bit when I heard him address me " you can come towards me, I want your hands folded in front of you at waist level, and if I tell you to stop, you stop" I nodded following his directions and walking slowly towards the iron railing. What did Kendall want with me?

I had gotten to the railing next to him when he said "stop" in almost a whisper, I stopped "Kendall, I'm going to move my hands up here onto the rail very slowly" I whispered bringing my hands to rest on the railing " don't move them, if you move your hands I'm going to jump" I nodded again my fingertips freezing almost to the iron beneath them as I stand there. " Kendall, it doesn't have to end this way" I said softly, " come back over the rail, James is your friend don't make him watch you do this to yourself" I added. Kendall moved his left hand over slightly and it brushed against my right hand. " I know what it's like to feel hopeless Kendall, I know what it's like to have secrets that you can't tell anyone, I've been where you are right now emotionally" I flipped my right hand palm up " there are people who can help you, I can help you." I said reaching my hand over the sloshing icy lake beneath us. " why do you care?" he snarled at me. " because Kendall, you mean a lot to James it'd hurt me to see him lose one of his closest friends right in front of him, and think of your other friends Logan and Carlos, your Mom would lose one of the two things that matters most to her, and Katie would lose a brother. and your fans would lose their favorite band member and Big Time Rush would cease to exist." I finished and he began to turn around " you'll help me though?" he asked " do you promise?" I looked at him " you have my word" and then he raised an eyebrow " this isn't a trick right?" I shook my head " I have no reason to trick you". Kendall turned now and he began to step up the rail shakily.

I motioned for James to help me pull him up shakily and I removed my coat to place it around Kendall's shoulders he wrapped his arms around James crying into James' chest.

" let's get you home K" James said putting an arm around Kendall's shoulders and helping him to the car.


	14. Chapter 14 Lay Me Down

**Author's note: just a small in between bigger chapters**

update** please remember to read and review, and enjoy.**

Ch.14 Lay Me Down in Sheets of Linen, You've had a Busy Day Today

James

We'd gotten back to the apartment and taken Kendall inside, gotten him into something warm and laid him down on the couch Tony made into a comfortable bed for him with a pillow and a warm blanket, he was fading in and out pretty fast. Tony told me this is what happens when an addict crashes they go into an almost comatose sleep for hours on end. We were sitting in the living room, Tony on the arm of the couch closest to Kendall's head his hands played in the golden strands, my hands rested on my lap in the chair next to the couch, I was silent, shocked, and observant of the scene before me Tony was staying the night and Logan was sleeping next door in Mrs. Knight's apartment. My sweatpants and old hockey jersey swam on Tony's thin frame as he looked with a motherly gaze down at Kendall in his crystal meth crash induced coma. I held his other hand in mine.

"Tony, do you want to get to sleep?" I asked he looked at me and nodded shutting the light off as he followed me into the bedroom I usually shared with Logan. I let him get into bed first so he was closest to the wall and more easily protectable and pulled him into me. His head lay gently on the pillow and I ran my fingers through his hair.

" What did you mean earlier, when you told Kendall you knew what it was like to feel hopeless?" I asked suddenly, I was kind of jealous he had been the one to talk Kendall out of suicide. He took a deep breath, "I've attempted suicide a few times back in the day, pills mostly, but each time something always saved me, someone always found me before it was too late, or I just didn't take enough" he said "it was like each time I'd tried to end my life there was an imaginary angel there telling me I was being ridiculous. It's like I always knew subconciously it wasn't my time yet no matter how badly I wanted it to be" I held him closer. " what's going to happen from here?" I asked in a soft whisper as Tony's hand grabbed mine " I'm not sure James, but there's no way to go but up" he said turning to kiss me on the cheek. A few minutes after that his breathing was soft and light and his body next to mine radiated warmth, and as I fell into my own deep sleep I played with his soft hair.


	15. Chapter 15 Blue Jean Baby reprise

Ch.15 Blue Jean Baby (Reprise)

James

I sat next to Tony in math class on the Thursday afternoon after the incident with Kendall and the pier. We were busy working through a packet our teacher had handed out, and Tony had more trouble with math than me. He smiled as he looked down at my paper "no Jamie, a squared + b squared = c squared, that's a right triangle, they give you c and b" Tony said correcting my answer, our hands brushed as he handed my paper back to me , I took the opportunity to correct some of his answers. Everything was getting better, since Kendall's almost suicide attempt, He wanted help and we were going to give it to him. The air was warmer ever so slightly outside and the snow had melted into slush, filthied almost black by car fumes, the cracked window behind us blew a gentle breeze through Tony's hair, playing in the soft waves. Today we had plans, and Tony's mind was preoccupied with them, we were going to see Kendall after school. We packed our stuff up in the minutes preceding the bell, and my thoughts returned to Kendall, who oddly enough had decided that Tony was the only one who could help him. Rehab would still be needed for Kendall's drug problem because the doctors told us that making him quit cold turkey could and would probably kill him. I still don't know why personally but Tony was determined to help Kendall and try to heal the rift in my broken family, he wanted to make me whole and happy again.

The bell clanged and the classroom slowly emptied and we walked out together but not holding hands, Tony understood that I still wasn't out to most people. Girls still threw themselves at me and giggled while checking me out in the hallways and one little 10th grade girl came over to boldly ask " can I have your number!" a usual occurence around here and I declined politely as she continued on down the hall. As we reached the stairs at one end of the building suddenly there was a commotion as people rushed to the large window on the landing filled with exclamations of "look, look! over there!" a bunch of them were pointing suddenly towards the northern sky, I glanced at Tony, who too pointed upwards as excited whispers filled the air, " James look" he said with a large smile " the first sliver of sunlight" he jumped up and hugged me tight and when he relased me I followed the pointing arms as the stairwell clogged with people trying to get a glimpse of the sunlight that was now slicing through the clouds like a blade of gold slicing through beautiful lace gone grey with age.

Tony slid sideways into the car seat and I smiled handing him the pack of makeup remover wipes from the back seat, " Kendall's orders, no makeup" I said as he opened the plastic and pulled two wipes out and began removing the taupes and satin finish browns that made up the day's smokey eye. As we drove the lone sliver of sunshine glittered brightly on freshly fallen snow, and Tony finished removing all of his makeup including foundation and lipcolor by the time we stepped out of the car at the apartment building. He straightened the cashmere jacket over his black Calvin Klein button down he had worn with a navy blue skinny tie. We went in and up to the Knight apartment and Tony knocked softly and gracefully on the door, Kendall answered it and invited us in. We walked together in silence to Kendall's bedroom, right next to the room where Carlos had slept by himself until Logan left my apartment down the hall. Tony released my hand as he entered the room with Kendall and I followed. Kendall sat down nervously on the bed Tony next to him and me standing by the window looking out lost in thought.

" are you ready to do this Kendall" Tony asked putting a hand softly on Kendall's arm,

Kendall nodded, he was pale and a little shaky ad he looked deep into Tony's eyes.

" Kendall there's nothing to be afraid of, I understand how you feel right now, I've been there myself" Tony said reassuringly.

Kendall took a deep breath, " my life doesn't mean anything anymore, I feel lost and lonely, for years, the memories have been locked away, but when my father came back, so did the nightmares" Tony nodded, " what happened with your father?"

Kendall stared for a minute, " my family has a troubled past" he began

" my mother met my father while she was living in a women's shelter, she was vulnerable he was shallow and manipulative, and one day they got married and she thought she loved him, but he abused her and when I was born she was happy and he was happy for a while and they had their perfect family" Kendall took another deep breath.

" I don't have any happy memories of my dad, though they might be there somewhere, all I remember is the pain" Kendall's eyes glossed over with tears Tony bit his lip fighting back tears of his own " Tony when I was five my father began abusing me, it started one night when he came home drunk it was like October... " he hesitated " no it was November, definitely a few weeks before thanksgiving, my father came home drunk at about three in the morning, usually when he came home drunk he'd go straight to bed or fight with my mom but tonight she was asleep and not waiting to confront him. I was in my room I had trouble sleeping that night, my father came in and got into bed with me" Tony nodded,

"he uncovered me, and started touching me, he ran his hands in my hair telling me he was going to hurt me to punish my mom" Kendall was crying silently now.

" he raped me for the first time that night" Kendall finished collapsing into Tony's shoulder, I bit my lip and sat on Kendall's other side with my arm around him, Tony looked over at me.

" James" he said soft as a whisper touching my arm with his velvety soft hand " I need you to step out for a minute" he said strongly, I looked at him quizzically and he said " I'm sorry James I need to talk to him alone from this point" Kendall nodded " James, you can sit in the living room until we're done" he added.

I stepped out of the room closing the door behind me, I lingered in the hall for a while, listening to what little I could hear through the closed door, a few words and then quiet choked up crying. I turned away from the door recognizing the cries as Tony's, they pierced my heart. Then there were voices from the room behind me.

" Logan, go out there and talk to him" Carlos' voice said

"No! I don't want anything to do with him" Logan cried

"Logie, he's still our friend, he's still one of us, and you need to make up with him, Yes Logan, James is gay, but he's been gay ever since we were kids, he just didn't know it yet, and now that he's had the courage to come out to you, it's not okay for you to push him away or freeze him out." Carlos sounded forceful almost angry with Logan, and Logan sighed and complained for a moment and then I heard a door open,There were footsteps in the hallway behind me and I turned around from my eavesdropping at Kendall's door, Logan was standing in front of me tears in his eyes Carlos smiling from the doorway behind him as Logan ran forward and wrapped his arms around me hugging me tight. " James!" Logan cried into me " I'm sorry James, I'm sorry James," he gasped into my hoodie as warm tears wet the jersey material. "it's okay Logie" I whispered running my fingers through his hair, " James, I should have accepted you for who you are, James I was an ass". I hugged Logan tight " it's okay, Logan I forgive you".

I smiled as Logan let me go and we all sat down in the living room, Carlos coming out of the room. Things are going to be better from now on, I can tell as the door to Kendall's room opens and Kendall and Tony both wiped their own tears away, Kendall hugged him tight and words were whispered between them that I couldn't hear. Tony glided towards me offering a smile towards Logan and Carlos his hand closing gently around my arm.

"James it's all going to be okay" he whispered, Carlos smiled " who wants to play Black Ops.?" he said rushing to turn the TV on.


	16. Chapter 16 L A Lady Reprise

**Author's note: I know I haven't worked on this story for almost a year, I sort of forgot about it, plus it's not my best work, and I don't really like the job I did on it. However I've decided to pick it back up again, so there will be three more chapters, this one, another, and then the epilogue. **

**Trigger warnings: possible sexual abuse, possible self harm, violence, possible homophobic slurs, sexual behaviour between an adult and a minor.**

Ch.16 LA Lady (reprise)

James

I was in my car, driving, we were supposed to have a rehearsal today with Gustavo at the recording studio downtown. Then I was going to pick up Tony and take him out to dinner with the band. I was kind of lost in thought, things were going to get better from here, it'd been a few weeks since I last cut. Tony helped me throw away my blades and other cutting implements once and for all. Kendall was on his way to recovery too, he'd finally agreed to see a therapist and attend Narcotics Anonymous meetings. I'd been only a few blocks from the house when a police car flashed its' lights behind me.

I checked that I wasn't speeding, and that my turn signal had been on when I'd turned the corner. I quickly switched it off and pulled over. The car pulled over behind me, and a female police officer came up to the window, I'd rolled it down and pulled out my license, registration, and proof of insurance.

"Excuse me son, are you Mr. Diamond" the woman asked.

I looked up at her " I'm James Diamond, is there a problem Ma'am?" I replied.

She looked at my hand holding the paperwork and my license

"I'm going to need you to put those away" she said "there's been an emergency, we need to check your vehicle and then you're going to have to come with us"

I stepped out of the car, as she frisked me and checked the car, two other cars were behind her.

Another officer wiped my hands with a tissue and put it in an evidence bag. I didn't know what to say.

"have you fired a gun recently?" the policewoman asked.

I was confused and worried now.

"No, Ma'am we don't have guns in our house" I replied "excuse me, what is this about?" my heart was in my throat, my hands were shaking.

"Mr. Diamond. James. There was a situation in your apartment building about thirty minutes ago, you are under the care of Mrs. Jennifer Knight? am I correct?" she responded, her face was hard and composed. "Mrs. Knight was attacked her apartment by someone with a gun"

The woman exhaled and took a deep breath, I collapsed against the police car. "I-Is she okay" I was starting to shake more now, scared at what might be happening.

"Listen, Son. She's fine her injuries are minor she's at the hospital now. We need to take you with us down to the station, for your protection if else, you can drive your own car, but we you'll be escorted" she motioned to the two cars behind us, and then led me over to my car.

We drove to the station, my hands shaking at the wheel, and I felt numb, like I didn't know what to say, feel, think or do. After I'd parked and locked up the car, she went inside, and out came a muscular slightly older male, with short greying hair and tattoos of dragons and koi fish up his left arm. He wasn't dressed as a police officer, he was in a lilac shirt and grey jeans with shiny brown shoes and a skinny grey tie. He opened the trunk of a nearby black Mercedes.

"Son, I'm Agent Lacey you're going to need to get in my car and come with me" and then a large blue FBI vest was shoved into my arms "put that on, and don't you dare take it off unless I tell you to" I nodded and strapped it on over my black tank and leather jacket.

"What's going on now?" I asked, he motioned for me to be quiet and opened the door to the passenger side of the car. "in" was all he said.

Agent Lacey strapped on his own vest and joined me in the car, beginning to drive.

"So looking at the information we've gotten, your friends Logan Mitchell and Carlos Garcia, are already at your music studio downtown, Mr. Rocque has agreed to keep them there and out of harm's way but you, need to come with me" He said as soon as we'd pulled onto the freeway.

I opened my mouth to speak, but he put his hand up.

"Your friends tell me you've been dating a boy named Tony, and there's something going on with Kendall Knight, no one can tell me what it is. But you see we have a hostage situation" he said.

My eyes widened and my heart stopped for a second

"WHAT?"I screamed, "TELL ME NOW, WHAT'S GOING ON?" I slammed my fist into the dashboard.

"well to put it lightly.." he began.

"NO, STOP PUTTING IT LIGHTLY, JUST FUCKING TELL ME" I shouted, and then collapsed back into the seat, tears running hot down my cheeks.

"James, Kendall Knight and your boyfriend, seem to have been at the house when Mrs. Knight was attacked, and it appears Kendall's father has taken them both hostage, from the little Mrs. Knight has told us they both tried to protect her, but it's likely Mr. Knight came for his son and Jennifer and Tony just got in the way. And we know Kendall's pretty badly injured he needs immediate medical attention or he'll bleed out, and when we checked up on Mr. Knight we found a laundry list of rape,domestic violence, and child abuse charges. We haven't gotten a clear line of shot yet, he seems to know what he's doing, but " Agent Lacey told the story as we pulled in at a rundown apartment building, actually one we've passed everyday to get to and from school there were about five police cars in the parking lot, guns drawn and pointing at the outside stairs of the apartment building. The people must have been evacuated as the restaurant across the street had a crowd standing on the lawn, women, children, men, probably the people who lived in the building. On the third floor curtains were moving and there was a shadow pacing around the room.

"Alright James I need you to go over to those two vans over there, and give us any information you can" Agent Lacey pointed two the two black vans in the center all the side doors open.

"it's going to be okay kiddo" he said patting my arm lightly, "we're doing all we can" I nodded

"And don't even think about taking that vest off!" he called as I walked away.

There were two women by the van along with a tall, lanky nerdy type guy in the van.

They were dressed like business people, except for the gun holsters around their waist and blue FBI vests. One of the women approached me first and had me sit down in one of the folding chairs they'd put in a sheltered area between the vans, I kept looking up at the window.

"Agent Rosaline Jesse, you must be James Diamond" said the woman in red heels and a black pencil skirt, she wore a red satin blouse and a black pea coat, cinched in at the waist.

The other woman was a little older, with short boyish dark hair wearing a grey Timberland coat, blue mens button down, fitted tan pants, and black leather ankle boots.

"Agent Catherine Ross, we're here to help your friends." she introduced herself.

"and the guy in the van is Agent Tyler Brandt, he's our technical guy he's trying to get us some eyes inside the room, it's going to sound really disturbing but this guy is streaming whatever's going on up in that apartment to a private internet chatroom, it's password protected so we're doing our best to hack it." Ross said smiling a small half smile.

"We've tried to use the phone to call into the room, but Mr. Knight seems to have disconnected the line, and the boys' cell phones are just ringing, so he probably has them on silent" Ross explained. My heart was pounding in my chest and I bit my lip to keep back tears.

"James, why don't you sit down" she pointed to the floor of the van in the open doorway, the chair had been removed in that spot and the back seat had been folded down flat, all of Agent Brandt's laptops and electronics were placed on top of it and he was sitting in the remaining middle seat with another laptop and headset.

"James, if you can be calm, and you can be brave, we'll get through this" Jesse was sitting next to me, her hand on my arm gently.

"do you need a hug?" Agent Ross asked with a wide smile.

I shook my head, and then suddenly Agent Tyler took off his headset.

"we've got eyes!" he exclaimed placing the laptop down on the floor next to me. I moved over and turned to look at the screen. They'd draped one of the blankets over the window.

"he wants to keep us from getting a shot, he knows if we can only see vague shadows we can't risk hurting one of the boys" Ross explained.

I looked at the screen, full sized video of the small apartment, more like a hotel room really, one small main area, with a double bed, a little kitchenette on one wall, and a bathroom. Kendall was laying on the grimy bedspread his left leg was bloody and his blue skinny jeans torn, his leg looked broken. I put my hand over my mouth.

Ross put her hand on my shoulder.

"we'll have audio in a moment" Tyler said, pushing a few buttons on one of his machines in the back and then reaching down to turn up the laptop volume.

Tony was sitting on the edge of the bed, his face pale with fear, and a little shaky. He'd done his makeup beautifully today, probably the first time Kendall's felt comfortable with it, or maybe the attack happened before he could remove it. He had a nude eyeshadow with black vintage style liner and long wispy lashes, completed the look with pale pink lips. A string of faux pearls lay against his pale chest in the opening of a feminine black satin shirt. He looked regal, like the wife of a President. His eyes were open and fearless, his gaze was mostly straight ahead, but his eyes would turn to coldly stare down Mr. Knight sitting in a chair near the bed. his back was straight. His hand was on Kendall's, Kendall was squeezing it tightly, gritting his teeth against the pain.

Tony stood up suddenly and approached Mr. Knight his head held up at a forty-five degree angle, his lithe thin body moving gracefully as he walked.

"you know they're just waiting" he said

"Mr. Knight, they've got this place surrounded, and you know there will be a way they can see in, and once they can, the snipers will take you out" Tony spoke coldly, confidently.

"there's not going to be any escape for you unless you talk to the negotiators" Tony continued,

two phones lay on the dresser with the TV, the webcam was set up over the computer on a table near the window.

I looked up at Ross, who looked at me, her hand not leaving his shoulder.

"that's your boyfriend?" she asked. "he's cute, but he's trying to play hero, he needs to sit back down or he might get himself hurt"

I sighed "that's just how he is, he wants to take care of everyone, he's motherly, and he's probably really pissed that Kendall's injured" I replied.

We missed a few seconds of dialogue

Tony was standing over Mr. Knight. "can I at least help Kendall? clean him up a little bit?" Tony wasn't begging, but his voice was softer and a little sweet, He just wanted to help Kendall.

Mr Knight withdrew his hand. and slapped Tony, hard across the face. Tony went staggering backwards losing his grace for a moment, his shoulder length brown hair had been messed up by the force, and his hand reached up to touch his face.

"you only speak when spoken to from this point on" Knight ordered,his voice was gruff, but not the way you would expect a convict to sound, in fact Mr. Knight looked like any ordinary father, clean shaven with a little stubble around the chin, dark neatly groomed hair with a touch of grey.

His jawline was similar to Kendall's, though Kendall's nose and eyes, and pouty lips were distinctly from his mother. Mr. Knight was taller than Kendall, and more built, he was wearing a neat white button down, black pants, and shiny shoes as if he had just got back from a law firm and expected a dinner and a glass of scotch on the rocks sometime soon.

Tony didn't obey, he moved his hand from his red cheek and looked Mr. Knight in the eye. "you don't know me that well, I don't follow orders very well, but if you ask nicely maybe we can try again" Tony said continuing in the softer voice.

"now if you let me help Kendall with his leg, it'll buy us more time, the longer he goes without care, the more he bleeds, the closer we get to a whole SWAT team bashing down the door" Tony directed.

"Besides he's your kid, do you want to watch him die here" Tony added standing up.

"You clever bitch" I whispered smiling because I was proud of my lover's noble actions in the face of this danger.

Mr. Knight finally agreed "you can help him, but your hands WILL stay where I can see them"

Tony nodded and Mr. Knight brought over some clean white towels from the kitchen that looked like they'd never been used.

"I need hot water" Tony said holding a towel in one hand and walking towards the kitchen.

He got a bowl and filled it with water, heating it in the microwave all the while being watched carefully, his hands going nowhere near the drawers. He brought the hot water over and set it on the table next to the bed. He pulled his hair back in a little bun with a brown hair tie he had on his wrist, a few wisps falling in his face. He sat on the bed and dipped the cloth in the water.

"Kendall it's going to hurt, but I'm trying my best to keep you alive" he said it softly, with a waver in his voice, as he pulled the jeans open at the hole, tearing the leg off at about the knee. Tony worked skillfully to dab the wound with the cloth and clean up all the dried blood. Kendall squeezed his hand on the bed "That feels a lot better" Kendall said through half lidded eyes.

The sky was starting to grow dark, and stars were beginning to emerge.

"what are they doing to get them out of there" I looked up at Agent Tyler.

Ross and Jesse were over with some of the officers huddled up, they were going to try to make one last call.

I watched as Tony finished tending to Kendall's wounds. Mr. Knight stepped from the room to use the Bathroom and I watched as Tony lay next to Kendall for a minute who was sitting up on some pillows, they were whispering, the microphone wouldn't pick it up, He kissed Kendall's forehead and I saw him wipe tears from his own eyes. I looked up at Tyler.

"he's taken two bathroom breaks, why couldn't we go in then?" I whined.

Tyler patted my shoulder, "because he could have heard us coming up the stairs or break down the door, and then done something to them, you don't want to see your friends in any more danger than they're already in, you have to understand"


	17. Chapter 17 Seamstress for The Band II

**Trigger warnings: Sexual Assault, violence, non-consensual sex, Homophobic slurs.**

Ch. 17 Seamstress for the Band Reprise

James

As soon as the sun had gone completely down, the apartment lights dimmed, though not enough to completely darken the room. Tony was sitting on the bed next to Kendall, as Kendall slept.

Mr. Knight seemed pretty calm and collected, as the phone buzzed one more time on the dresser. Kendall's had died hours ago. Tony stood up and went to answer the phone, Mr. Knight was at the computer. His hand was inches from the phone and I was praying he'd pick it up.

"Boy, what do you think you're doing?" Mr. Knight had whipped around

Tony's hand didn't shake as he grabbed it, " there has to be something you want? anything at all, why keep us here if you don't have any demands" Tony's voice was calm and collected.

Mr. Knight looked him in the eyes. "my viewers are expecting a little bit of a show tomorrow" he smirked as he said it. Tony picked up the phone on the last ring and put it to his ear.

"put that down now!" Mr. Knight ordered

Tony looked at him with a smirk of his own "Hello Agent Lacey, Yes this is Tony, Kendall's okay but there's going to be serious damage done to his leg if he doesn't get help soon, stopped the bleeding" and suddenly Tony was on the floor.

The phone slid from his grasp. The lights were dim, and we could barely make out what was going on, he had Tony by the hair. Tony squirmed for a moment and then went limp. Tony was being raped. Mr. Knight was spewing profanity. I closed my eyes unable to watch, opening them when the noise stopped. After a few minutes he dragged Tony to the Bathroom and threw him in slamming the door I watched as he tossed a disgusting used condom into the trash and cleaned himself up in the kitchen.

There it was, Kendall's secret, laid out for us all to see, his father had raped him. I wiped tears from my eyes, Ross had pulled me in close, I couldn't stop shaking and crying, they'd gotten me a blanket, and wrapped it around my shoulders.

Ross looked in my eyes.

"hang in there James, if you want we can let you sleep in one of our vans" I shook my head.

"why won't you do anything?, storm the place, gas bombs, guns, riot shields, you've all got vests on!" I shouted.

"that MONSTER just violated my partner, don't pretend like nothing's happening" I screamed, I began to walk towards the building.

"James, we can't let him get a third hostage, get back here!" Lacey was the one speaking now.

It was Jesse who grabbed me and put me in a headlock, dragging me back to the vans.

She hadn't hurt me.

"we need you here James, we need you to help us get them out" Jesse said softly, rubbing my back as she sat next to me.

"We want you here, because we know you care about both of them, and you're the closest we have to family right now. Tony's father didn't care what happened to his son when we informed him" Jesse said

I nodded. Looking back at the screen. Tony returned from the bathroom, his hair was a mess, his jaw was scratched, and one of his arms was bruised. Kendall slept.

"why is he sleeping like that?" I asked.

" injected him with a sedative he's been in and out of it, he wants Kendall to 'perform well' tomorrow, if that means anything" Ross replied to my question.

Mr. Knight pulled Tony up just then, shoved him against the wall and then threw him back down on the bed next to Kendall. Tony curled up close to Kendall whose arm moved to hold the other boy tight.

"why isn't he reacting?" I asked, "Tony's just been violated, but he's not showing any emotion"

"I think his survival instincts have kicked in by now, he's not going to let Knight get the satisfaction of his emotions, he's going to need you when this is over, he's going to want you to hold him tight for a long time, he'll need a good strong shoulder to break down on"

I watched, the webcam went off, but the lights in the apartment stayed on.

* * *

Tony

Mr. Knight had gone into the bathroom, switching the camera off. I knew what I had to do.

I sighed my whole body aching as I nudged Kendall awake, he smiled and grasped my hand.

"thanks for being here with me bud"Kendall said.

I smiled back, and walked over to the camera as slowly as possible, Knight wouldn't fall asleep in the bathroom, I knew better as I reconnected the stream, he was probably getting himself more hopped up on amphetamines. I was practically holding my breath as I walked to the kitchen area and began opening drawers, Kendall was sitting up on the bed.

I found the most easily concealed knives and pulled two out, I placed one under Kendall's pillow within his reach and then grabbed my own laying back down and placing it under the sheet.

I was close to Kendall, and the Bathroom door had opened. Then I noticed that I had forgotten to shut off the monitor to the computer. I squeezed my eyes shut, as he saw the monitor lighting up blue.

"What the hell is this, huh faggots?" he shouted

I covered Kendall as much as I could with my body, feeling metal on the back of my neck.

" . else." I spat, grabbing the knife beneath the sheet, turning, and lunging as fast as I could. I took a good slice out of Knight's arm, the knife was twisted from my grasp. A hand caught my throat, I was against the wall. I felt the barrel of the gun under my chin, a knee was being used to pin me to the wall, my shirt was destroyed in seconds with the knife wielding hand and I was tossed aside

"I've got a better idea" Knight whispered with a disgusting smirk.

He approached Kendall, I was still dazed in the corner. I watched as Kendall's wrappings were undone.

"Stop it! You sick coward!" I was yelling from my spot on the floor.

"Kendall's already hurt! I can take a lot more, you broke Kendall years ago. Break me, make me take it instead." I was testing him.

The knife made contact with Kendall's calf, cold metal flashed over pale white skin, and rose with the tip tinted with deep red blood. I studied the color in the light. Kendall's shirt was removed, and Knight ran the knife from the center of his collarbone, down to his belly button, teasing with just the back of the blade, inducing fear.

"Kendall, you can do this, stare directly in his eyes,show no emotion, don't be afraid, don't express the pain. it's what he wants !" I cried from the corner I was stuck in.

My hand felt around, Knight's cell phone was only a few inches from me. I tried to scoot without being seen.

"Who told you to move?" Knight's cold voice spoke. Kendall whimpered as the knife made a two inch slash on his stomach.

I stopped moving, and pulled the phone towards me with my fingertips. I called the same number the hostage negotiators had called and then hung up. hoping they would get my signal.

I kicked the phone under the chair, Knight made another cut on the outside of Kendall's hip.

"what if I flipped you over, and carved the word TRASH in your backside" he said loudly.

"how much would that hurt?" he continued, the knife sliced across Kendall's stomach again.

His shirt was shed, Mr. Knight's body glowed with scars. pink and raised.

"you know what they do to guys like me in prison?"

Kendall shook his head and Knight's hand slapped across the boy's jaw.

"We get the word,'Trash' carved into our backsides, we become the bitch boys of some fat skin-heads." he growls.

" then we get kicked around the prison yard, stabbed, and then beaten, and finally we go to protective custody, where they put us in a dark solitary cell. it's like a coffin with a toilet and a mattress. we don't get clothes, or sheets, they take our boxers so we can't hang ourselves with them. And YOU Kendall are going to pay for sending me away"

He put more pressure on the knee keeping Kendall's bad leg down.

Then it happened, Kendall twisted his head for a moment then looked back, locking eyes with the monster on top of him. He opened his mouth and spit, right in 's face.

"You deserved it" Tony said standing up to challenge Mr. Knight once more.

The fight raged on, Kendall and Tony each protecting the other, fighting together, there was no way they were giving up.


	18. Chapter 18 Pretty Eyes reprise

Ch.18 Pretty Eyed, Pirate Smile Reprise

James

It was almost over. My eyes had been wet with tears for a while, Ross held me close to her a few times, Another patrol car had come bringing coffee, and the sky was turning blue again, actually it was a mixture of cobalt blue and dark grey. Tony had tested Knight's limits over and over again, earning him three rapes, and two beatings. He lay shielding Kendall once more, in only his underwear and Kendall's sweatshirt, Kendall in only his own tee-shirt. Tony was wrenched from Kendall once more, as Knight proceeded to assault Kendall. Tony lay on the floor, his hand on the bed squeezing Kendall's.

"you can do this Kendall, stand up to him" Tony coaxed, even after being beaten, his hair a mess, wearing nothing but underwear and an old hockey hoodie of Kendall's, the strand of pearls still gleaming around his bruised throat, Tony was beautiful.

The other officers and agents had gone up to the door, they wire piled onto the stairs, Just Tyler and I remained, A Team dropped from Helicopters onto the roof, the bathroom window had several men dropping through that way, two ambulances waited silently in the parking lot.

The invasion was loud, Knight was surrounded and given the chance for surrender.

I believe his last words were "I'm not going back to prison". He had fired at the bed.

I screamed for a second as three shots echoed, The monster fell against the floor.

Kendall and Tony were each wrapped in sheets from the bed and carried outside, they didn't separate their hands the whole time. but as soon as they were down the stairs I was running to them, I just remember him breaking his contact with Kendall as they carried Kendall to one of the open ambulances, He was cold, but safe, in my arms.

Ross had been right, I put my arm under his legs and lifted him. I held his head into my chest as I carried him to Kendall's ambulance, the sheet still tangled around him.

"I can sit on James' lap, we're not leaving Kendall" he declared.

The medics nodded and didn't question anything, helping us both in the back.

"I want these filthy sheets off of both of us, please." He stated tearing his off as soon as he could stand.

The medics nodded and bagged both of the sheets in large black plastic bags.

They issued us fresh blankets, Tony was close to me, his head buried in my shoulder.

I watched while they rushed us to the hospital. Tony was cleaned up and put in a room, a doctor came in to tend to his wounds and he requested a nurse come in to do the rape kit. Kendall had needed stitches and the bullet removed from his leg which by some miracle hadn't been broken.

Tony preferred to stay close to me for the next hour or so once we knew Kendall was going to be okay Tony prepared to take a shower, I'd brought him some girly soap and a bottle of his favorite shampoo at the gift shop while he was seeing the doctor. I sat in a chair while he was in the shower. Kendall was laying in the other bed, sleeping peacefully, the doctors had given him a powerful sedative to combat any traumatic dreams, his body needed rest.

The sun had come up, and Tony stepped out of the shower, drying his freshly washed hair with a hospital towel. His skin was bruised in a lot of places, and he had a purple tint to the area just under the inner corner of his eyes, his pearls had been handed to me before he took a shower and the bruising on his throat was more visible without them.

Gustavo and Kelly arrived a little while later with Logan and Carlos, Kelly bringing Tony and Kendall some clothes and a blanket from each of their beds. Kendall was already sleeping, so Kelly just covered him with his blanket and left his stuff on the chair next to the bed.

"Tony's father wants him to move out" Kelly said laying two suitcases down in the room Gustavo had been carrying a slightly larger bag for Kendall which was placed on the chair near his bed.

"Griffin is sending his personal team of moving people, to Tony's house today, we're going to move him into your apartment" Kelly finished.

Kelly walked to the bed where Tony was sitting, placed down his blanket from his bedroom, a train case style makeup bag, underwear,a large black tee shirt, and a pair of black leggings. Tony slipped on his underwear underneath his hospital gown, pulled it down to his waist and pulled on the shirt. He put the leggings on and discarded the gown folding it neatly and placing it on the dresser, he sat down on the side of the bed, facing the door and reached for his makeup bag. I touched his arm gently.

"Don't worry about it right now, you're just as beautiful as you always are" I said quietly. Tony moved like he was going to put up a fuss, he wouldn't be seen in public without his face on.

"I just want my perfume" he decided. "no matter what I do, I can't get the smell of that apartment out of my nose"

"It's in there, James reminded me. You can get one spray and then really you should just lay down, and sleep for a little while, okay?" Kelly said. Tony nodded, took his spray of Shalimar Parfum Initial and put it back in the case. Kelly moved the case to rest next to the black bag with his name on the tag and then she sat down on the couch near the bed. We were silent for a little while nurse entered with a tray.

"I'm Julie, the doctor's just asked me to bring in some sleeping pills, Tylenol, and some hot tea, you've been through quite an ordeal and the pills will eliminate any bad dreams" Julie said with a half-smile. She handed Tony a small paper container with two little pills, a white one and a red one, she handed Tony a small cup of water just enough to swallow the pills and then She left with a gentle smile leaving the tray of tea on one of the end tables. I took a cup of tea and added in some sugar for him.

Tony took the pills reluctantly, I picked up both of his legs and put them on the bed so he was sitting back against the pillows and then handed him the cardboard cup. He drank his tea slowly, his free hand holding one of mine.

"Kelly, could you tell Griffin I said thank you for everything next time you see him" Tony said.

He finished his tea and laid down in the bed, the pills beginning to take effect.

"You know I couldn't do enough for him after how he acted last night" Kelly whispered as she passed me, patting me gently on the back, Gustavo nodded and followed her out.

"so you take care of him or I'll have to take him home with me" Kelly called from the hallway with a smile.

Carlos came over to stand by me, I was just leaning over the bed running my fingers through Tony's damp hair while he slept. Carlos put his hand on my back, without saying anything.

"You should get up there with him" Carlos said after a long silence.

I stared at him for a minute, and shrugged. Carlos looked to the sleeping form in the bed.

"you know if I'd almost lost someone, I'd want to hold them for hours." Carlos added.

" I couldn't stop praying, we had some agents with us at the studio, and they were watching the live feed from inside that apartment. I saw pieces of it. I had to turn away." Carlos' voice shakes as he talks.

"and this whole time I'm thinking please, if there is a God, you have to protect them, please, just don't let them die tonight" Carlos began to cry and he wrapped his arms around me. "I just want you to know I'm proud of you, for being able to be there for Kendall and Tony. So please, Jamie just for me, lay down with him and go to sleep for a little while, and I'm going to sit here a little while, Mrs. Knight is coming down as soon as the doctor can get her into a wheelchair."

I nodded and took off my shoes and socks, opening the bag Kelly had brought with my name on it. I changed into a fresh black tank and some grey sweatpants, then walked around to the other side of the bed, climbing in and laying down next to Tony. I placed an arm protectively around him,and laid my head down on the pillow, he was warm.

Mrs. Knight entered the room in a wheelchair, but immediately stepped out of it to rush to her wounded son, I could see bandages peeking out from beneath her pink robe that she'd always worn around the house in the mornings, she must have been shot in the shoulder. She tended to her baby and then kissed him goodnight. I wasn't tired or ready to sleep and Carlos was sitting on the couch with a bag of chips and a comic book.

Mrs. Knight sat with Kendall for a while along with Logan who had been sitting at the foot of Kendall's bed and then she got up, she came over and sat down in the chair I'd vacated to lay with Tony.

"you know when I first met him, I thought he was just like all the girls before him" She said, sighing as she reached her hand out to touch Tony's.

"I thought maybe he was only into you for your looks, or the amazing gifts" She stroked his hand softly. "and now, he could be like one of my own, I don't think Kendall could have dealt with this without someone else there, he wouldn't have been brave enough to defy that Monster, to resist,

my baby would have died last night" she paused to sniffle into a napkin laying on the end table nearby and wipe her eyes on her sleeve.

"you should have seen him Mrs. Knight, even in the face of his own possible death, all he wanted to do was get Kendall out safely" I said quietly still running my fingers through Tony's hair.

Mrs. Knight touched his hand softly, "the nightmare is over, it's time to move on" she said

"we can rebuild our lives, leave the past behind where it belongs, and James"

I looked up from gazing down at Tony sleeping softly in my arms, "Yes?"

"I'm happy you've got someone special" she said, with a twinkling smile.

Mrs. Knight kissed us both on the forehead, then went and kissed Kendall one more time before leaving the room.


	19. Chapter 19 Pretty Eyed Pirate Smile

Ch.19 You'll Marry a Music Man

James

I don't know how long I slept, but when I woke up, Tony was sitting next to Kendall who had now changed into a white tee shirt and some sweatpants,on the other bed. They were talking quietly, Carlos and Logan had left, and it was still dark outside. I smiled and got out of Tony's bed stopping to kiss him on the cheek before going into the bathroom. When I came out, there were three trays of food sitting near Kendall's bed.

"they just delivered dinner." Tony said quietly,

"come sit with us" Kendall said patting the spot on the other side of the bed.

I sat down on bed and then leaned over to hug Kendall tightly. Kendall was crying softly,

and tears began to run down my face.

"Kendall, I know things haven't been the same between us" I cried.

Kendall's arms wrapped around my back, "I know James, I'm sorry" he sobbed

I held him a little tighter "Kendall, you've always been one of my best friends, and I've always loved you like a brother, and when you were kidnapped, I was so afraid I was going to lose you both, my best friend and my boyfriend in the same night. I couldn't stop praying and you know I don't even believe in a God" Kendall pulled away.

"James, it's alright, we're all together now, and that's what counts, we'll always be friends, just like we'd promised when were kids." Kendall said, wiping his eyes.

I dried my own eyes, "now let's eat these Dinosaur nuggets" Tony said with a smile.

"oh my gosh, they didn't? Dinosaur Nuggets!" Kendall's smile widened, as he reached for his tray. The three of us played with our nuggets, just like Kendall and I had done since we were children. Afterwards, we stacked the trays on one of the tables in the room. Kendall laid back on the bed, and Tony sat next to me holding my hand.

"so how are you both feeling?" I asked after a long silence

"I feel like crap"Kendall said crossing his arms. "I'm exhausted, and every time I move I'm afraid I'm going to rip something open, and my leg is throbbing, my head has been pounding" Kendall pushed the nurse button. "I want to go out for air. by myself" he said.

I nodded, picking Tony up, though he protested, and put him back down on his bed.

"anyway,you didn't answer how are you?" I asked.

"I'm fine I guess" he said with a shrug.

"a little sore, bruised, it hurts to move, but I'll live" he answered finally.

"I'm going to take another shower, James you don't have stay, you know you can go home, you're missing school because of us, I mean Logan's going to bring me and Kendall our work, because they want us to stay a few more days, but really, you can't have rested well in that uncomfortable hospital bed." he walked away after that and I heard the shower turn on.

A nurse came a little later with a wheelchair a few minutes later and took Kendall outside for some air.

Tony returns from his shower, still in the black tee shirt and leggings.

He looked a lot better now that he'drested, eaten, and showered twice, he walked to the dresser with a little swish in his hips takes his makeup bag and perfume and sits down on the bed, he applies a bit of black eyeliner and some mascara, then moves to color his beautiful lips in a shiny candy pink color. I smiled as he spritzed his wrist and then laid back on the bed.

"I'm not going to leave you, or Kendall, as long as one of you is in this room I'm not leaving it" I told him, getting up on the bed to pull him close, his beautiful medium brown hair splayed across my chest as I snuggled him into me.

"I'll protect you" I whispered, kissing his forehead.

"I'll always protect you"


	20. Chapter 20 You'll Marry a Music Man II

James

A lot of things changed over the last five years, Kendall faced his father in prison and forgave him after a long journey with a twelve step program. Tony changed his name to become the woman he really was, Audrey, and still I loved her and watched her grow, and she went to school and began to design fashion and oh yeah we're getting married today . The boys and I are still best friends even though we've each gone our separate ways and had our own solo albums, successful still. Carlos went into theatre, and we've all just blossomed.

I stood there at the end of the aisle at an elegant old church, the place was flooded in light and flowers, and Kendall stood next to me. The large wooden doors were pulled open as the piano began to play Elton John's Tiny Dancer, because that was our song. The sunlight followed her in and created a radiant halo behind her as she glided forward as if carried on angel wings. Her wedding gown was a large white ballgown, with layers upon layers of tulle and lace, a modest neckline, and the shoulder straps off the shoulder. Diamonds lay across her flat chest, her long wavy hair was hanging naturally under a tiara holding the veil in place.

I took her hand and whispered, "I love you"

she blushed and with a falter in her voice asked "why?"

I kissed her hand delicately " you can't ask why about love"

The bells rang after the wedding ceremony, and everyone was smiling and laughing and crying tears of joy, we walked over to the carriage waiting outside for us, and I helped her into it before pulling myself into it, I kissed her deeply.

"where to my lady?" I asked her and she blushed wrapping her arms around my neck,

"to the stars" she replied...

The sun high in the sky, shone brightly through the carriage windows, and framed her hair in a halo, I looked back and watched as we began to move. The scene behind us left a few teardrops on my cheek, We were all there together, I didn't lose Kendall that fateful night, and Tony got to grow into who he/she really was and the Knight family's wounds healed, and Logan and Carlos and Kendall and I were all still just four best friends from a town in Minnesota watching.

So we take what comes and we keep on going, leaning on each other's shoulders

but then we turn around and see we've come so far somehow, we're halfway there

and nothing is going to stop us now.


End file.
